Step 1: Keep the toddler quiet! This is an important step because the worst thing you could have is a noisy toddler broadcasting where you are to every hungry Zombie in the nearby area. Unless your goal is to pick off the Zombies, then by all means! Let the toddler scream! The trick to keeping the toddler quiet is finding something that is also quiet that will keep the toddler’s attention. I recommend books. Lots and lots of books. Preferably those with pictures. Step 2: Breastfeeding! This is probably the safest option because it can be done On.The.Move. There’s nothing more dangerous than having to stop every few hours to prep the bottle for the child when trying to evade the Zombies. Every precious minute you have should be spend moving. Not to mention having to stop at a store to pick up formula and fresh water create problems simply for the fact that Zombies are everywhere and you don’t want to risk the chance of a potentially deadly encounter with a Zombie while attempting to find food for your child. In the event that your child is bitten by a Zombie and you are breastfeeding that child…. It’s probably in your best interest to stop right then in there. Although breastmilk is considered a Cure-All, it’s not much of a cure if you have a new, tiny Zombie literally trying to eat you. Like take a chunk out of your boob… eat you. Step 3: Babywearing! For one, it keeps your child close to you so you don’t have to worry about chasing them. And two, it doubles your eyes and ears. Now you have a child that will point every out to you, including Zombies getting close which will want to eat you. All in all, this is a good thing. And it will more than likely keep them calm and happy (see Step 1!). Step 4: Know your environment! Deserts, swamps and mountains are Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad! All three present their own particular problems. For example, no fresh water, no water at all, lots of holes for small feet to get stuck in (see Step 2 on how to avoid small feet problems)… These places should be avoided with toddlers at all costs; traveling these areas would be rather impossible with toddlers. Forests, fields and plains are best! Plenty of shelter, fresh water and food. These places should be best for traveling and surviving. And who knows! Your tiny human may discover a spot for you to hide out for a day or two, or potentially long-term. And who can ignore the fact that every toddler likes to pee on every tree. Which keeps said toddler happy, and quiet (Again, see Step 1!). Step 5: Eat the noisy one first! If you must eat someone in your group due to lack of food…. Eat the noisy one first for safety’s sake! Momma's note: This includes husbands. We all know sometimes they can be annoyingly noisy, especially if sick! Step 6: Find a safe place to set up shop. Find a place that has very tall walls, and lots of space for your toddler to RUN. The tall walls will keep the Zombies from getting IN and the toddler from getting OUT. Definitely not a bad thing. This way you can relax while listening to the soothing sounds of Zombie moans while watching your child running around like a maniac taunting the Zombies. If you’re lucky, your toddler’s screams and, well, moans will sounds exactly like that of the Zombies, which will then confuse the Zombies beyond all measure. Step 7: Train your Toddler! Teach your toddler everything, odds are your toddler will out-survive you… and the Zombies. And remember! Your toddler will not be a toddler forever. You just have to hang in there for a few years. Congratulations! By following these steps, your toddlers’ chances of survival during the impending doom that will be the Zombie Apocalypse have increased exponentially. Are you prepared yet?
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Here's the thing: I haaaaate asking for help, no less money. I know we're all struggling out there in real-people land, or at least most of us. So the brownie photo should be a peace-keeper, right? I can hope, at least.
We will have fundraisers in the future to help fund what we have going here AND SO MUCH MORE. Seriously, more. But for now, All I have is a donate button and a photo of brownies. I watched an "inspirational," get-your-butt-back-on-the-couch-and-blog kind of YouTube video the other day while washing dishes (that's my go-to learning time). The gist of this particular video was finding a blog topic that is interesting, captivating, ya-da ya-da... And NOT about how you're getting evicted (she said that, seriously). She went on and on about how people don't want to read about your money woes, so I won't bore you with mine here! But I do need help to keep this amazing community up and running, so I have finally placed a Donate button on the Website. Donations of any shape and size will go directly towards Website fees, printable materials, our Sacred Circles project, becoming a Non-Profit organization (so we can shout to the world - we're a real boy now - or woman, whichever!), and other Momma Trauma Blog related needs. Those are the biggies right now though. Also in our very near future: Venturing out from the confines of our screens and participating in *ready for this??* conferences and even teaming up with a few national/international organizations and their projects. So back to the brownies: I can eat a whole plate of brownies all on my own and feel yucky and all alone afterwards. Or I can share that plate of brownies with our community to expand our reach to find parents and birth workers who need us, help those of us who are already here in need of support and raise awareness to help others understand birth trauma and perinatal violence and how we can reduce those situations that are so rampant in our healthcare system. Will you take a bite and donate? Has this community helped you in some way? Do you want to help others empower themselves so they can find healing? The journey to healing from something many of us identify now as “birth trauma” almost always begins with a tear-filled, sometimes sob-ish, Ah-Ha moment. The revelation that the birth itself of one or more of our children was, in fact, traumatizing was a scary and lonely revelation to many of us. The next steps in the revelation are similar for so many:
“What do I do now?” “This is crazy-talk.” “No one will understand. Birth is beautiful. My care provider was only doing what he/she needed to do.” At that point, a myriad of thoughts are racing through the minds of a new parent struggling to hold on through not only the task of feeding their new babe every two hours, but also through something they have no idea how to handle. Here are six tips and thoughts to get you through that oh-so-familiar “What do I do now” panic:
If you have found this Website, community or post as a supporter of someone struggling with birth trauma, thank you. Your unconditional love and non-judgmental support very well could save a life. From the bottom of my heart, thank you! If you have found this Website, community or post as someone who is struggling with birth trauma or a perinatal mood disorder, I’m so sorry you’re struggling and I’m very happy that you have found our community. There are more birth trauma survivors than you or I could imagine. You are not alone. Please Note: This is not to be used as medical advice. This Website and community is for peer-to-peer unconditional and non-judgmental support. Find our community online: Youtube Twitter: @MommaTraumaBlog, #birthtrauma Facebook Fan Page Facebook Closed Group (posts and comments only seen by group members) Related Posts: I-Statements: Be heard in the professional world Decluttering birth trauma to understand your own story More than Baby Blues: Postpartum Mental Illness Symptom Guide Is this birth trauma? Am I depressed? What is Perinatal Violence The question of homebirth vs. hospital birth came up by our new admin Momma Shannon on our facebook page. This is always a tough topic, even moreso within the birth trauma community. Within our community, we usually get two very similar answers on opposite ends of the spectrum.
Trust me, I get it. From the bottom of my heart, I (personally) believe in what the true scientific evidence states (ex. home birth is safer than hospital birth in most cases, there's no valid reason to circumcise an infant, donor milk is much better than formula, vaccines cause more harm than good for the developed world, etc.). In terms of debates, my heart is obviously with birth and breastfeeding as that’s what I advocate for the loudest. Although, when I speak to new parents, I always ask about the other questions and try to get them thinking about the answers and what that could mean for their family. I’ve been the type of advocate before where I wouldn’t bend. I’m not saying we need to bend on our opinions, and certainly not on the evidence. Frankly, that wouldn’t make sense. I’m saying we need to bend on our humanity and sincerity. So… the status was: “Share your knowledge, thoughts and/or experiences about home birth verses hospital birth. Your words of wisdom might help a woman make a important decision. ~Shannon~” Brilliant and deep question. Here are my thoughts:
o Which will make me feel safer, more at ease? Care from a doctor & nursing team, a midwife or having no skilled attendant at all (unassisted)? o What are the circumstances surrounding my opinion on safety? Have I had a traumatic birth at home before? At the hospital? Was I sexually or otherwise abused in the past? Have I healed from that birth or abuse yet? o What actions can I personally take to make either location feel safer for me? o Hospital birth: How do I feel about actively managed labor in all stages? The cascade of interventions? o Home birth: How do I feel about emergency situations? What can I do to prepare for all aspects of labor at home? o Who do I want at either location in order to feel safe in my birthing team? There are obviously a lot more questions and thoughts regarding the decision to birth at home or in the hospital, but hopefully this will get you thinking a bit. Those of us who were traumatized by violent actions of our care providers at the hospital are very adamant on birthing at home for our next babies. We’ve seen far too much of the insides of hospitals, including their staff. Those of you who really struggled at birthing for one reason or another, perhaps you had serious complications, might be more adamant about birthing in a hospital and some, even, are adamant on no one birthing at home at all. All of these scenarios are Okay; they’re based on opinions, experiences and conclusions from our own research. The bottom line is that the location of your birth is *your* decision. For that decision, you need to do some research and you need to feel safe. Going beyond that, the same is said for *how* you birth. The location and type of birth of our peers is NOT our decision, rather it is theirs and theirs alone. Chances are we don’t know every last detail that is needed to make that decision. Instead of pushing our opinions and conclusions on another family, why not help them through the process of coming to a decision that is best for their family and perhaps even helping them prepare (or send them to someone who can do so) for birth after coming to a decision? What made you decide to birth at home or in a hospital (or birthing center)? How did family, friends and professionals help you in your decision? Here's an awesome story from Momma Kalynka in British Columbia shared with her permission. Mom quietly tidies kitchen and looks things up on the internet while toddler plays in the living room. That familiar sound of gentle grunting brings a smile to mom's face. He hasn't done one yet today. Good lad. Then the realization hits: He is without nappy. But all is still chill. Hardwood floors, no carpet, and healthy diet. a plastic bag and a wipe: easier than nappy bound! Then the realization hits: He had a cookie with dairy! Toddler hobbles into kitchen "boop!!!boop!!" Toes pointed to ceiling, indicating he has stepped in it. Still, no problem. Chill mama pick him up and plops him in the shower. "We got this covered," she says to him gently as she grabs toilet paper, heading casually to the living room. A little blob and a slight squirt. "No problem," she says to herself as she whisks it away to flush. "But why does it still smell so strongly?" Then she sees it: The cow pat sized, sour smelling crap in the corner of the room. Slightly less confident in her ability to stay chill, she heads to the kitchen. Behind the crunchy mom cleaners she reaches for the well hidden and heavily scented Windex, Latex gloves, A paper cup, and A shot of tequila. Unfortunately, she failed to grab the industrial face mask she uses for pottery. Scooping into the cup she dry heaves, and wets herself, gagging her way to the bathroom. En route she thinks about 'two girls, one cup' and gags some more. Trousers wet, toddler in shower, Windex smelling living room, questionable bag of crap covered cup on the porch. There is no where to turn but to the tequila, Facebook and chill. I hope you laughed as much as I did at this short, but very real story of what parenthood actually resembles from time to time!
We talk about some heavy stuff here on the Momma Trauma Blog, so I'm glad to be able to offer some humour which is also very much needed when working hard at healing ourselves. Breastfeeding comes easy to many. It came easy to me, I’ll be honest. I should say the physiological aspect of breastfeeding came easy. The worst problem I had was with clogged ducts from oversupply. And even then, it was more amusing than problematic Thank God. So, I’ll tell this story and then get into the reason for the post… LOL. So one night, our first born was only a few months old and I was totally engorged on both sides. Oh Lordy that hurts. If you’ve never been engorged, imagine your boobs (or your partner’s boobs!) three times their usual size, with veins popping up everywhere, warm or hot even to the touch… but don’t touch them cause man does it hurt! They probably hurt when they’re not touched even. It is a no-touch kind of zone. And if you do touch them or a baby cries or you even *think* a baby might need you, you leak.
I was engorged, our son was peacefully sleeping. Still. We follow the Don’t-wake-a-sleeping-baby rule in our house. I went to pump and not only was it painful, but my boobs just weren’t responding. They were all “Hell-no! We won’t go!” I decided I needed to express milk NOW because I could feel a clogged duct, also very painful, and went to hand express. It’s like a lump somewhere in your breast. So, I started to hand express into an 4 ounce bottle. At first, it was just long squirts into the bottle (when I didn’t miss the opening, I quickly learned and used bowls next time). Then I found IT. I found the lump, the clog. And I pressed on it. It was like magic! I didn’t have to express or anything. Once I pressed a spot on the clog, I was so logged & engorged that it just kept-a-squirting without any other prompting. No lie. It was a 10-ouncer kinda night, there was major scramble-age for another bottle, and that was the right boob. I know it sounds like a tall-tale, but it’s true! Now with our second, breastfeeding came easy again. And so did the oversupply. I never really stopped nursing between the two, so that came as no surprise. When I was pregnant with our second, my supply dropped and our son didn’t nurse again after his first birthday. BUT, I pumped for him for another year. I was made to feel awful by some of our local moms/breastfeeding advocates because obviously I should have known better, I should have known what to do, I should have known not to give him a sippy cup early on or that I might need a boost in supply to keep him going at the breast. I wasn’t doing enough. The difficulties with our second child came in not with milk supply, which is what everyone usually thinks of as a breastfeeding difficulty; rather it was with depression and PTSD. I didn’t want to be touched. I certainly didn’t want a tiny baby sucking at my nipples. It made my skin crawl. I hated that fact, and so many times I just wanted to quit but couldn’t bring myself to do it which I’m so grateful for as we’re still nursing at 2.5 years now. But, it was pretty torturous for months. I couldn’t stand hearing her cry, she was clingy, although the snuggles were nice. I just deplored breastfeeding for that time period. But, I count our breastfeeding relationship a success and a blessing nonetheless. What brings me down every World Breastfeeding Week is that so many moms, activists and professionals go on and on about the at-the-breast relationship and not the broader concept of breastfeeding. I was going to say, maybe we should call it World Breastmilk Week instead, but no. No we shouldn’t. World Breastfeeding Week is perfect when left the way it is! It doesn’t say: World At-the-Breast Breastfeeding Week. It’s just World Breastfeeding Week, “feeding a child human breast milk.” At the breast, Spoons, Bottles, Tubes, Supplemental-Nursing-Systems (SNS), momma’s milk, donor milk, breastmilk popsicles, none of that matters in this definition. What matters is that we’re getting human breast milk into the tummies of our little ones. Why are you harping on this? Isn’t it NORMAL and best straight from mom’s own breast? Yes! Of course! But you know, we get caught up in this idea and forget the moms who struggled or continue to face the self-proclaimed idea that they “ didn’t succeed.” I am proud that I nursed our kids for so long, as I think any breastfeeding mom should be proud of for themselves and their children. But what I’m most proud of is that I knew what would be best for our babies and together, my hubby and I, we rolled with it on our own accord. I’m stinking proud of myself for not giving up on breastfeeding our son for the extra year by pumping! What I’m not proud of is that I let breastfeeding drag me down emotionally when I wasn’t well. I’m proud that I stuck it out and am still going. Here’s the but: But, I was so focused on the “have to breastfeed” chant that I ignored my instincts and body when it told me I needed to check out for a bit. I’m not proud of that part. I was so consumed by the idea that I couldn’t let this amazing milk go to waste by switching to formula or donor milk. I just couldn’t do it. Again, glad about that! But, part of the stigma that thrives during things like World Breastfeeding Week is the idea that if you’re not feeding your child at your own breast, you are less of a mother. You are not a superhero. That couldn’t be further from the truth. World Breastfeeding Week is full of beautiful nursing photos floating around social media, lots of statuses on the lengthy time a mom breastfed her children, how they breastfed or even that they Never, Ever, Ever used a bottle! Let me tell you something, I am proud of you! You obviously are proud of you! But we shouldn’t flaunt that out there as if to say, “I’m better than you,” or “You HAVE to nurse for two years, and THAT’s the MINIMUM!” It’s good to know what the evidence states and recommends, but do we have to make other moms feel bad? Do we have to turn something as great as World Breastfeeding Week into mommywars, again? Moms who struggle with nursing often see this week and run. They don’t want to hear it. When I was nursing our daughter and it made my skin crawl? Yes, it was going well, but I didn’t want to hear all the lovey, dovey breastfeeding stories. All I wanted was for it to be over. I didn’t want to breastfeed anymore, which only worsened my depression at the time. What really irritates me about World Breastfeeding Week is that people think it really is focused on at-the-breast feeding. Why can’t we see photos of donor milk? SNS feeding? Moms using spoons or bottles. I’m not a fan of bottles in terms of the WHO code and all, but it’s another important aspect of feeding human milk that many moms have to employ. This week is fabulous for spreading awareness and getting more folks educated in breastfeeding and where to find support. But let’s not turn it into a battle of who breastfed longer or who nursed their child at their own breast or not. I guess my point in all this is that we should use this amazing week, that of World Breastfeeding Week, for awareness and education. Not to make others feel bad for not breastfeeding in any way, or as long as you think they should. It’s tough enough being a parent without society’s stipulations thrown on us. We hear it’s gross to breastfeed, or we have to breastfeed for at least two years, or we can’t use bottles… How about we change the conversation to: I support you. Can I come over and make you dinner while you spend some time getting to know your nursling? Do you need a shower? Because I can hang out with the baby so you can take a break and refresh. Or even: I am so proud of you for giving it your all and making decisions for your family. Breast is NORMAL. Formula is abnormal, we’re taught that in advocacy 101. But we need to balance that with the idea that even three weeks of nursing is better than none. We need to be much more supportive of mom, there may be underlying issues going on which hinders the breastfeeding relationship. One mom friend of mine who was dealing with birth trauma issues was yelled at by her lactation consultant for not doing enough for her baby because her supply wouldn't come in all the way. How is that helpful? I’m not suggesting let’s all sing Kumbaya and eat smores, okay maybe I am because that sounds good. :-D I’m really suggesting that we use World Breastfeeding Week as an advocacy and education tool. Spread the booby love, not the mommy-who-didn’t-follow-the-guidelines hate. Did your birth affect your breastfeeding relationship with your child? How would you describe breastfeeding support you received? Related Links: |
AuthorWelcome to Momma Trauma's Blog! Thoughts, empowering posts and stories straight from Momma Trauma herself, Birth Trauma families & birth professionals. Archives
July 2015
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