How quickly do you “prescribe” breastfeeding solutions to friends who ask you for help? How do you know that’s the right course of action? Did you consider there might be more than meets the eye? Birth trauma is one of many emotional problems that could severely affect breastfeeding. Some women “cannot” fully breastfeed. We hear about it every time we post a new pro-breastfeeding meme, don’t we? We, being the crazy lactivists who spend our days discussing boobs and sex hormones, post these memes and try our damnedest to help our fellow momma’s in their time of struggle and supply questions. “You’re not alone, I’ve been there, too,” we try to assure them. “Have you tried these 72 things to physically rebuild your supply?” We ‘hear’ these moms say to us: “I have low supply! Help me!” And we spring to action. “Don’t let this breastfeeding relationship die,” we silently plead in our own minds. But it’s not about us, the lactivists. No, we’re not really crazy… Just very, very passionate. But sometimes, our passion gets lost. It wanders off into “breastapo” territory (as a friend so lovingly calls me sometimes!) and doesn’t return until we have a nice, hot shower and some snuggles with our own babies to ground ourselves again. Take a breath and walk through this with me…. This problem, this low supply or very sensitive breasts, This is about the mom and her child. Not.about.you. What is about you is the advice you can give or space you can hold for this momma. We could go on for days about why there’s a breastfeeding problem, IF there’s a breastfeeding problem and then how to fix this problem. How do we know for sure what’s going on? We don’t. So why then, do we (myself included) jump the gun and start “prescribing” right off the bat? Much to the chagrin of breastfeeding advocates such as myself, there are some women, albeit rarely, who physically cannot breastfeed due to surgeries, infections, cancers or other problems which were at one point physical in nature. There are other women who cannot fully breastfeed due to emotional and mental problems. Sometimes, no amount of fenugreek or lactation cookies will help get her supply back to where it needs to be for her baby. Sometimes, she may not even have a low supply at all, but may be overly worried about supply, which can in turn cause that very problem in the long run. Emotional? She needs to overcome that! She CAN breastfeed! Well, yes, I agree with you. But there’s a good way to go about this, and a bad way. A friend came to me recently and said “Jenn, I think you should do a blog post about breastfeeding and birth trauma.” Now, I knew my friend was struggling with birth trauma issues AND supply problems. But I asked her anyways, “Well, sure. What’s up?” She went on to tell me that her pediatrician was amazingly supportive and helpful with regards to breastfeeding and her birth trauma. The lactation consultants, however, were not. Instead of being supportive, they yelled at her for not trying hard enough for her baby. Obviously she wasn’t doing everything she possibly could, there must be something! Here’s a hint: There IS something. Patience. Peace. Unconditional support. Ask the mother questions, deep questions, you might even have to do some digging to really understand from where she is coming. But guess what? This takes TIME! For this mom in particular, her problems are not initially physical in nature, they are mental and emotional. For her, it’s mind over matter. She came through a traumatic childbirth and now is still trying to process that birth. In some cases, the woman’s body can even respond to the baby negatively after a traumatic childbirth and not cooperate with breastfeeding. Many women associate breastfeeding with their birth trauma, thus creating a strained nursing relationship from the beginning. Birth trauma itself is also very stressful, which can inhibit milk production. You see, there are a lot of things at play here beyond the physical. Ask questions when a mom comes to you for breastfeeding advice, or send them to someone who will ask gentle questions. We need to band together with the gentle whisper of our tribe to tell each mom that she’s doing great and ask her if we can just take a moment to think through her breastfeeding trials. Breastfeeding through Birth Trauma and Perinatal Mood Disorders For birth trauma survivors and moms with perinatal mood disorders alike, breastfeeding can be made difficult by depression, ptsd, anxiety, stress, etc. Her nipples may be overly sensitive, she may be touched out often, she may find it difficult to bond with her baby. These moms may not even realize these thoughts and problems are what is actually behind their breastfeeding troubles for some of these moms. As their peers and guides, we need to respect that and try to help them along their path of understanding instead of making them feel bad or throwing caution to the wind and telling them to take three fenugreek pills a night while also trying a myriad of other suggestions. And of course, in asking questions, you may find out it’s not birth trauma or pmd related at all. Perhaps she went out with friends one night, not realizing her two week old *needed* to nurse during that time not just for hunger, but for moms supply as well. Or maybe you’ll find out that she had a physical problem by asking about breast shape and size. The bottom line here is this: ASK questions! Help her empower herself in healing and breastfeeding. And above all: DAMNIT DON’T YELL AT HER AND MAKE HER FEEL BAD! She’s trying her best. Build her up, don’t break her down. What's your immediate reaction when someone comes to you for breastfeeding support? Have you overcome breastfeeding trials that may not have stemmed from physical issues? Related Posts It's okay if you don't understand! Listen anyway. Trauma induced lactation problems: A mixed feeding, co-breastfeeding, tandem nursing story
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AuthorWelcome to Momma Trauma's Blog! Thoughts, empowering posts and stories straight from Momma Trauma herself, Birth Trauma families & birth professionals. Archives
July 2015
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