Super big thanks to Wendy Mathews, Wee Wonders Doula here in Delaware of course, for taping this for us all.
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Today, I called a member of the board of directors for one of the local hospitals (where I birthed Chickie Pea). I had not wanted to because she's a member of my church and has basically watched me grow up, and now my children of course. But, I finally called. She was very receptive and rather shocked at the care I received. We talked about a few experiences I had heard about and Delaware's high cesarean rates (among other rates). She was equally shocked to hear those numbers and said she would be bringing these issues up asap. I'm glad I called.
Yesterday, we were at Legislative Hall for the midwifery bill we've been fighting. In speaking to legislators and my board of directors friend, it really drove a point home for me: the simple idea that they won't know until we tell them. Our legislators had no idea what they were voting on, some didn't even know we had midwives still. Just as the board of directors friend had no idea about the poor care and statistics in her own hospital. WE have to tell them. It's certainly nice to be in our own circles, whether that's online with folks across the country or in person in our local playgroups, discussing the crappy birth climate, but if we really want to see change and get people to know how the weather really is, we have to tell them. Meet them where they are, get out in the community. Because they probably won't step outside to find out themselves. We'll have the video of the full HB 194 session for your viewing a little bit later tonight hopefully. In the meantime, here's an update!
See, here's the thing. It wasn't entirely a loss when you think that we made a dent. They were "intimidated" to create the amendment which would basically add tiers to the disciplinary actions, the worst being the felony actions, lesser actions if folks practiced "just" midwifery without a license. But they did not discuss which disciplinary actions would go with which level of offense. Or any other details to be honest. All those who voted, voted FOR this bill to pass. It will now move on to the Senate to vote on. We NEED YOU to call your Senator and speak with them about this. Discuss why our midwives cannot obtain "PERMITS" because apparently if you use "license" they get snippity. The biggest problem tonight was miseducation. Despite the lobbying and chatting we did with many Reps today and over the past few weeks, Rep. Walker took the shining start award home tonight and stole the stage answering every question from the Certified Nurse Midwife standpoint. They didn't really talk about Certified Professional Midwives at all really, which is the crux of the issue. She played "dumb" and won this round. We need to call our Senators and get this bill shot down. Keep up with the Story: Original: Freedom to safe birth options denied, Investigators visit Delaware families Speak Out: Delaware moms losing freedom to birth safely (printable) Delaware Dept. of Health response puzzling at best, women's freedoms still in question Plot thickens for midwifery crisis in Delaware
should just wait around for next legislative season to do attempt to put a bill through ourselves. Do you know how difficult that is? We have this awesome opportunity to get the Governor to realize he needs to remove the collaborative agreement portion of the CPM regulations, without the mess of legislation, a full dose of lobbying, gaining MORE supporters that others are tearing away piece by piece… And some want us to wait? We don’t have time. Birth is progressively becoming more and more dangerous in Delaware, but that’s okay. We’ll just wait, right?
The midwife “crisis” is a frustrating situation to watch unfold from the “inside.” What’s even more frustrating is the people we need to reach who make or break the rules are on the “outside.” Let’s be honest: State Reps, Legislators, the Governor, all these folks we need to get on our side won’t know about our side until we tell them. They hear from doctors who vastly oppose home births for numerous reasons (none of which based in scientific evidence…) and lobbyists who have money to sway them one way or another, such as the recent convergence of ACOG lobbyists on California’s doorsteps. How often do they hear from the other side? How often have you stepped up and sent an e-mail, tweet, call, fax, printed something off or even stopped someone in their tracks to get a few words in with them? I can speak for our family when I say we don’t have the money to pay for a lobbyist, lawyers or a host of other folks to help us with this battle. And that is very obviously true for most, if not all, families in our state and around the country. So, we need to be creative and use our resources wisely. As a community, we need to step up and get our people to understand that the whole country is watching us right now! And national campaigns backing us up. We will do what it takes! The bottom line for Delaware is that we look like crap when it comes to birthing outcomes for both mom and baby. States are looking at Delaware as the BAD example of what could happen. Don’t end up like Delaware, they say. And NOW, Delaware legislators have introduced a bill to heighten fines and discipline of midwives who practice without a license to that of those who practice medicine without a license. Midwifery is NOT medicine. Felons. They want our midwives to become FELONS with higher fines and assuredly imprisonment when caught. In the meantime, they can’t even become licensed. Anyone else see the problem with this logic? Let’s get one thing straight… If you license a profession, surely you should have repercussions for those practicing that profession without a license. But felony? For midwifery? When they can’t obtain licensure to begin with because of strict regulations that make it impossible? It doesn’t make sense. As for the licensure debate as a whole, because this comes up a lot in the birth world: Do I believe the midwifery practice should be licensed by each state? I’m not sure. I think, just as choosing your own provider is your own autonomous choice, licensure should be the choice of the citizens of each state. Here in Delaware, we have some very strict, and erroneous, regulations in place for professions. For example, you need a license to work as a hairdresser, daycare worker, taxidermist, massage therapist, the list goes on really. Why then would it be feasible to think that the state would “allow” CPMs to practice without a license? CPMs aren’t cutting hair, they’re catching babies, or at least helping families catch their own new babies. They’re checking heartbeats, guiding a woman through her pregnancy and childbirth, ensuring breastfeeding is off to a great start, keeping an eye out for rare complications and making necessary referrals. Yes, I think we need licensure in Delaware for now. Legislators and medical staff do not trust midwifery care. We need to change that. We won’t change that by biting our thumbs at them and perpetuating the idea of “underground” midwives. Our CPMs won’t even do that now. Their lives are on the line. Hell, they might even be FELONS if this new bill passes and they begin practicing again. We.Have.No.Options besides go to the hospital to birth, which is riskier (scientifically proven) due to the idea of actively managed labors and the incessant need for cesarean deliveries and inductions in Delaware, fully converting to the Amish or Mennonite religions or birthing at home with just ourselves or our immediate family and/or friends. Certainly not with a Certified Professional Midwife. We have this amazing opportunity to turn this birth crisis around and come out ahead. Our legislators could help make birth safer in not just Delaware, but across the country merely by helping Delaware women gain back their rights to invite midwives into their homes. Call your legislators! Let’s flood their offices with midwifery supporters. Who did you call? What was their response? Did they know about this before you called? Can they ever understand birth trauma? The moms in your playgroup? The nurse at your 6-week follow-up appointment? What about your partner, or your own parents?
They may not ever understand even the very idea of birth trauma, let alone our individual traumas. But, they may surprise you. It’s up to you to give them a chance to understand, or not. It’s a difficult step in the healing process: First, realizing you are dealing with something more than baby blues and Second, that you need the support of your closest loved ones, friends and/or trained counselors, which, of course, involves telling people what’s going on in your mind. Do I have to tell them? I’m not crazy. Do I really need support? Of course you don’t have to tell anyone. But it’s no picnic being stuck in our minds all alone. It gets lonely in there! Let’s be real, though. Birth Trauma, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, these all come with some pretty serious symptoms. Of all the birth trauma survivors I have met, the ones who haven’t told anyone yet (but me) hurt the most. And I’m usually light years away (exaggerating, but you get the point). They had no shoulder to lean on, no loving ear to whisper into, no one who could relieve them for a 15 minute refresher break during/after a panic attack or triggering episode. We don’t need special treatment as birth trauma survivors; what we need is a great support system, just like any other mom. A little story for you: I directed a summer camp in Minnesota one summer (best summer of my life!). In one of our counselor training sessions before camp began, we encountered different scenarios through discussion and roleplay to prepare them for the challenge of leading girls of all ages in a resident situation. One scenario caught me off guard.: “What do you do when you need to come out? Who do you tell?” Well. My first reaction was: Your parents or a guidance counselor (thinking teenage kids here), friends. I was somewhat naïve, but had many LGBT friends including myself, so I was somewhat experienced I thought when the question came up:. My thought was: The people who love you the most will be the most sympathetic and able to talk through things with them, knowing that sometimes it doesn’t play out that easily in many situations. To my surprise, I got a big fat: HELL NO from the crowd of 30some young adults. They were quite offended that I would suggest speaking to your parents about your sexuality. Which, still confuses me to be honest. I mean, I get it. When you’re a teen, parents suck and they think everything is a phase. But it’s such an individualized decision, you know? We, as counselors for teenagers, were there to be support rather than be the authoritative decision makers. My point to them was we should help our campers go through the full decision making process with all the needed information so THEY could make the decisions on who to let into their own lives. Instead of telling a camper: No! Whatever you do, DON’T TELL YOUR PARENTS! They’ll never understand. O.o They (whoever you decide to tell) don’t have to get it! They don’t have to understand why you like someone of the same sex. They just have to understand that this might be a hard road for you and you’re going to need support. This same scenario could play out for: I have a boyfriend! I’m becoming sexually active. Oh Crap, My period started! Which brings me back full circle to Birth Trauma. Do I have to tell? Who do I tell? Will they ever understand? Again, no, you don’t have to tell anyone. But I would highly recommend doing so. Who you tell is an individualized decision. For example, in my case, my mom is very Pro-anything a doctor says. So, naturally, I didn’t want to tell her about my birth trauma first. My father, on the other hand, didn’t really get it at first, but was at least sympathetic to the idea that I was truly traumatized by the birth. He didn’t “get” it, but he could take it at face value and help when needed. I don’t believe that the select few we let into that part of our lives *need* to understand the birth trauma itself. It’s really important for those closest to us to be sympathetic to the face value of our feelings whether they be short term as in having a rough day or longer term as in depression or anxiety (although I know they go way deeper than just face value!) and how it affects our lives, our children, our partners, etc. In your healing journey, you will come across other survivors (as you have through this blog) who are Empathetic to your situation. Keeping in mind that every situation is different, those of us who have lived birth trauma and are empathetic to it have been there or can at least put ourselves in your shoes to truly understand the depths of your pain. Most of us have experienced birth trauma of some degree; we know exactly how deep those wounds hurt. That said, I venture to believe that some who have not experienced birth trauma can still understand our wounds. You could find true empathy through a birth worker, a counselor, a friend, anyone really. Those who have not gone through birth trauma but are empathetic to us will understand that the violence we encountered was NOT okay and surely could have been at the root of our trauma, or that the way our babies came out was not natural and something that wasn’t supposed to happen, DID happen. There are others, still, who have gone through birth trauma situations and refuse to be empathetic. Maybe their own pain has shut them down, or they refuse to acknowledge the truth of perinatal violence and/or birth trauma. It is honestly one of the things that bother me the most, when birth trauma survivors belittle or harm other survivors. *pet peeve* The bottom line is that your healing is individualized to your needs. You know your peers, family and professionals better than any blogger can suggest. Who should you talk to about your traumas? I can’t tell you that, but I can say that I fully believe you should talk to someone besides just moms on the other side of your computer screen. I mean, we’re great and all, but you need and deserve more than just us. You don’t have to face this alone. When you’re ready, you’ll find the words to say and the person(s) to tell. “In-Person” support goes a long way. Just remember: They don’t have to be empathetic to be sympathetic to your hurts and needs. They don’t have to have experienced it themselves to know that what you went through was not right, and that now you are dealing with a healing journey you never expected. Who surprised you in understanding your journey? Who left you yearning for more? Expectations. People say our expectations were too high, so *that’s* why we ended up in a birth trauma situation, why some of us now have PTSD after our births. This puzzles me. I’ve been trying to make sense of it for a while now and, well, it doesn’t make sense. Would you tell a rape victim that she (or he!) now has a life of wondering Why Me because she shouldn’t have expected to NOT be raped? Or that she should have expected it because of statistics?
Oh, I get it. That’s different. Right? <-- dripping with sarcasm. Why should we go into pregnancy and labor, natural processes in life, expecting an unnatural ending? Why should I, when I had a “7 lb-er” in my belly, expect that my body all of a sudden can’t function properly and will need assistance in removing that “very large baby?” Obviously, my body can’t handle what it dished out for itself. <-- a lot more sarcasm. (P.S. Totally had that "big baby" naturally...) As women, most of us anyway, we expect to one day become pregnant. Most of us are able to accomplish that the good-ole-fashion, getting’ down and dirty kinda way… The natural way. Of course we know that others need help with infertility, but even in a petri dish, the start of pregnancy itself is natural: Sperm meets egg, Egg says Hey! How YOU doin’? Let’s do this thing! And Egg is fertilized. Well, you know the rest. This is the natural beginning to life. We don’t expect our wombs to sustain life until that sperm-egg fertilization occurs. If we expect life to function properly from the beginning, why should we expect that it will not continue to function properly throughout the pregnancy, birthing and immediate attachment periods? When did we begin to lose faith in the fundamental processes of our bodies and gain more trust in surgeries and medical interventions which have been proven to be LESS safe in healthy, normal pregnancies and labors than a natural, non-interventive birth? PROVEN! Those same surgeries and interventions, which many women and professionals honestly believe are the “normal” way to birth now, are babies themselves compared to the ancient tradition of midwifery care (which promotes the natural methods of childbirth). Interventions and surgeries are extremely important in the rare case of a complication. But as Rebecca Dekker proved in her recent article, we often hear non-evidence based reasons as to why we need an induction or a cesarean delivery (using "big babies" as an all-too-often reason give by doctors). I implore every mom to do her own research, and then *show* that research to her care provider. Birth Trauma , PTSD after birth, a new life sentence, however you want to look at it, is so often tied in with the idea that we shouldn’t have expectations of natural, normal births. We are told we were selfish and only thinking of ourselves, we only wanted the experience of it all. Our expectations were too high, and then we were let down and disappointed. From an angry mom standpoint: You’re damn right I was let down by and disappointed in my care provider. Go ahead and tell me that I should not have expected him to listen to me, to respect me, to allow me to make my own healthcare decisions when I was totally lucid and aware of my surroundings. The office I was with states on their Website that they are dedicated “to putting your care, comfort, and well-being first in a caring, compassionate approach.” Really? Because that didn’t happen. False advertising perhaps? I *expected* that kind of care, because that’s what they advertise and that’s what all healthcare patients should be able to expect. It’s our human right to be treated with dignity and respect, all the while owning our own informed healthcare decisions. I don’t think that’s an unreasonable expectation. Nor is the expectation of the healthiest delivery possible. No. If you think we have PTSD/Birth Trauma because our expectations were too high, you might want to reconsider saying anything other than: “Gosh, I’m so sorry you’re feeling that way. Here’s a tissue. May I make you some brownies?” Birth Trauma can stem from a lot of things: previous abuse, previous birth trauma, perinatal violence, poor prenatal education prior to the birth, it’s different for everyone. We need to stop telling our moms that their expectations were too high and instead, tell our providers they need to offer the compassionate and personal care most of them profess to offer. Evidence-based, respectful, understanding… Why are these qualities too much to expect? What do you say to others when they suggest your trauma was caused by high expectations? Have you said this to another mom? |
AuthorWelcome to Momma Trauma's Blog! Thoughts, empowering posts and stories straight from Momma Trauma herself, Birth Trauma families & birth professionals. Archives
July 2015
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