Let's talk about I-Statements. If you've ever taken a Conflict Resolution class or trained to be a manager of sorts, you may have heard of I-Statements. Why do we use them? I find them annoying to be honest, mainly because I want to tell someone exactly what I think of them in as many words as possible. (Have you figured that out yet about me?) We talked yesterday about Decluttering our birth experience and writing it down to get it out of our heads and how important that process can be to healing. It's also important to understand that your personal story write-up shouldn't be sent in as an official complaint should you choose to go through the complaint process. Whomever you decide to complain to, whether it be the doctor/midwife involved, hospital, licensing board, etc., these people are all professionals. And while there may be a few professionals who frequent the blogging scene, they generally don't view blogs & personal journals as seriously as they would something that is written objectively with a much more serious tone. So, while you can certainly send your emotional birth story write-up if you wish, I wouldn't recommend doing that if you wish to be heard and taken seriously. Imagine these two statements sent to the same doctor: Momma One: I hate you for everything you did to me during the birth of our son. You are deplorable, you made me mad. You are inconsiderate & only worried about the speed of labor for your own benefit instead of the health of my baby & I. You made me make the decision YOU wanted me to make because, well, YOU are the expert of course and I am just the mother. You don't really care about us, do you? I hope you can understand when I tell you the second statement will generally be listened to more than the first. The first statement is filled with anger, sadness, emotions. While the second contains minimal emotions. An I-Statement isn't void of emotions, but too much emotion tends to create a different understanding of the statement. The second example is also much clearer to the reader than the first example. It contains no sarcasm, no blaming or judging and ultimately will get a better and a much more polite response.
Whether you're sitting face-to-face with someone discussing your experience or writing it down to send as a hard copy, I-Statements will almost always be perceived better. Keep in mind, I-Statements are conversation starters. They are designed to be clearer to get your point across, but they will not create a solution to the problem. This is just the beginning of the process. So how do you create an I-Statement? 1. Emotion: What is the emotion or emotions you are trying to convey? (I feel/I felt...) 2. Behavior: What is the behavior which caused the emotion you are trying to convey? (When you/When I...) 3. Why: Why does this behavior(s) cause you to have the emotion you are trying to convey? (Because...) What is your I-Statement? Do you have several? Please send your I-Statement to Momma Trauma to get our voices heard. You can remain anonymous or send as much information as you'd like to be included. Momma Trauma will transform I-Statements into images like the ones you see on this page. We can be powerful in numbers. I know you've seen plenty of images floating around Facebook with birth stories on them. I feel strongly (<---see that I-Statement? Ironic maybe?) that we will be able to make serious change if we go about this the right way and really get our voices heard, because we need to succeed in our fight for our daughters! So... send them in! E-mail, Facebook or Twitter! Momma Trauma also has a YouTube channel if you would like to record your I-Statement! Also still accepting submissions for Word Clouds! Check it out here.
2 Comments
|
AuthorWelcome to Momma Trauma's Blog! Thoughts, empowering posts and stories straight from Momma Trauma herself, Birth Trauma families & birth professionals. Archives
July 2015
Visit our Sponsors
This space is available for text advertisements. See our Sponsorship page for more information! xxxxx
|