Breastfeeding comes easy to many. It came easy to me, I’ll be honest. I should say the physiological aspect of breastfeeding came easy. The worst problem I had was with clogged ducts from oversupply. And even then, it was more amusing than problematic Thank God. So, I’ll tell this story and then get into the reason for the post… LOL. So one night, our first born was only a few months old and I was totally engorged on both sides. Oh Lordy that hurts. If you’ve never been engorged, imagine your boobs (or your partner’s boobs!) three times their usual size, with veins popping up everywhere, warm or hot even to the touch… but don’t touch them cause man does it hurt! They probably hurt when they’re not touched even. It is a no-touch kind of zone. And if you do touch them or a baby cries or you even *think* a baby might need you, you leak.
I was engorged, our son was peacefully sleeping. Still. We follow the Don’t-wake-a-sleeping-baby rule in our house. I went to pump and not only was it painful, but my boobs just weren’t responding. They were all “Hell-no! We won’t go!” I decided I needed to express milk NOW because I could feel a clogged duct, also very painful, and went to hand express. It’s like a lump somewhere in your breast. So, I started to hand express into an 4 ounce bottle. At first, it was just long squirts into the bottle (when I didn’t miss the opening, I quickly learned and used bowls next time). Then I found IT. I found the lump, the clog. And I pressed on it. It was like magic! I didn’t have to express or anything. Once I pressed a spot on the clog, I was so logged & engorged that it just kept-a-squirting without any other prompting. No lie. It was a 10-ouncer kinda night, there was major scramble-age for another bottle, and that was the right boob. I know it sounds like a tall-tale, but it’s true! Now with our second, breastfeeding came easy again. And so did the oversupply. I never really stopped nursing between the two, so that came as no surprise. When I was pregnant with our second, my supply dropped and our son didn’t nurse again after his first birthday. BUT, I pumped for him for another year. I was made to feel awful by some of our local moms/breastfeeding advocates because obviously I should have known better, I should have known what to do, I should have known not to give him a sippy cup early on or that I might need a boost in supply to keep him going at the breast. I wasn’t doing enough. The difficulties with our second child came in not with milk supply, which is what everyone usually thinks of as a breastfeeding difficulty; rather it was with depression and PTSD. I didn’t want to be touched. I certainly didn’t want a tiny baby sucking at my nipples. It made my skin crawl. I hated that fact, and so many times I just wanted to quit but couldn’t bring myself to do it which I’m so grateful for as we’re still nursing at 2.5 years now. But, it was pretty torturous for months. I couldn’t stand hearing her cry, she was clingy, although the snuggles were nice. I just deplored breastfeeding for that time period. But, I count our breastfeeding relationship a success and a blessing nonetheless. What brings me down every World Breastfeeding Week is that so many moms, activists and professionals go on and on about the at-the-breast relationship and not the broader concept of breastfeeding. I was going to say, maybe we should call it World Breastmilk Week instead, but no. No we shouldn’t. World Breastfeeding Week is perfect when left the way it is! It doesn’t say: World At-the-Breast Breastfeeding Week. It’s just World Breastfeeding Week, “feeding a child human breast milk.” At the breast, Spoons, Bottles, Tubes, Supplemental-Nursing-Systems (SNS), momma’s milk, donor milk, breastmilk popsicles, none of that matters in this definition. What matters is that we’re getting human breast milk into the tummies of our little ones. Why are you harping on this? Isn’t it NORMAL and best straight from mom’s own breast? Yes! Of course! But you know, we get caught up in this idea and forget the moms who struggled or continue to face the self-proclaimed idea that they “ didn’t succeed.” I am proud that I nursed our kids for so long, as I think any breastfeeding mom should be proud of for themselves and their children. But what I’m most proud of is that I knew what would be best for our babies and together, my hubby and I, we rolled with it on our own accord. I’m stinking proud of myself for not giving up on breastfeeding our son for the extra year by pumping! What I’m not proud of is that I let breastfeeding drag me down emotionally when I wasn’t well. I’m proud that I stuck it out and am still going. Here’s the but: But, I was so focused on the “have to breastfeed” chant that I ignored my instincts and body when it told me I needed to check out for a bit. I’m not proud of that part. I was so consumed by the idea that I couldn’t let this amazing milk go to waste by switching to formula or donor milk. I just couldn’t do it. Again, glad about that! But, part of the stigma that thrives during things like World Breastfeeding Week is the idea that if you’re not feeding your child at your own breast, you are less of a mother. You are not a superhero. That couldn’t be further from the truth. World Breastfeeding Week is full of beautiful nursing photos floating around social media, lots of statuses on the lengthy time a mom breastfed her children, how they breastfed or even that they Never, Ever, Ever used a bottle! Let me tell you something, I am proud of you! You obviously are proud of you! But we shouldn’t flaunt that out there as if to say, “I’m better than you,” or “You HAVE to nurse for two years, and THAT’s the MINIMUM!” It’s good to know what the evidence states and recommends, but do we have to make other moms feel bad? Do we have to turn something as great as World Breastfeeding Week into mommywars, again? Moms who struggle with nursing often see this week and run. They don’t want to hear it. When I was nursing our daughter and it made my skin crawl? Yes, it was going well, but I didn’t want to hear all the lovey, dovey breastfeeding stories. All I wanted was for it to be over. I didn’t want to breastfeed anymore, which only worsened my depression at the time. What really irritates me about World Breastfeeding Week is that people think it really is focused on at-the-breast feeding. Why can’t we see photos of donor milk? SNS feeding? Moms using spoons or bottles. I’m not a fan of bottles in terms of the WHO code and all, but it’s another important aspect of feeding human milk that many moms have to employ. This week is fabulous for spreading awareness and getting more folks educated in breastfeeding and where to find support. But let’s not turn it into a battle of who breastfed longer or who nursed their child at their own breast or not. I guess my point in all this is that we should use this amazing week, that of World Breastfeeding Week, for awareness and education. Not to make others feel bad for not breastfeeding in any way, or as long as you think they should. It’s tough enough being a parent without society’s stipulations thrown on us. We hear it’s gross to breastfeed, or we have to breastfeed for at least two years, or we can’t use bottles… How about we change the conversation to: I support you. Can I come over and make you dinner while you spend some time getting to know your nursling? Do you need a shower? Because I can hang out with the baby so you can take a break and refresh. Or even: I am so proud of you for giving it your all and making decisions for your family. Breast is NORMAL. Formula is abnormal, we’re taught that in advocacy 101. But we need to balance that with the idea that even three weeks of nursing is better than none. We need to be much more supportive of mom, there may be underlying issues going on which hinders the breastfeeding relationship. One mom friend of mine who was dealing with birth trauma issues was yelled at by her lactation consultant for not doing enough for her baby because her supply wouldn't come in all the way. How is that helpful? I’m not suggesting let’s all sing Kumbaya and eat smores, okay maybe I am because that sounds good. :-D I’m really suggesting that we use World Breastfeeding Week as an advocacy and education tool. Spread the booby love, not the mommy-who-didn’t-follow-the-guidelines hate. Did your birth affect your breastfeeding relationship with your child? How would you describe breastfeeding support you received? Related Links:
6 Comments
I like your line "Spread the booby love, not the mommy-who-didn’t-follow-the-guidelines hate." I wasn't able to breastfeed at the breast until my 3rd child and I felt terrible about it when I could not do it for the others. However, I pumped and did what I could and all of my kids are fine. All that matters is that they are happy, healthy, and fed. :)
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I had my first child with a very supportive midwife in New Zealand. All I have to say is that I am happy I didn't have my first child in US. All went well with labor because I knew what I was doing with the second, but the support from the medical team was non-existent after the birth. My midwife was with me every step of the way for 6 weeks post-partum. She set me up so well. Breastfeeding was rocky, but I got to breastfeed thanks to her support.
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8/3/2013 01:52:36 am
I think more moms need to realize that moms should be allowed to raise their children how they see fit w/o worrying someone is judging them. Great post!
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July 2015
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