This is a guest post from Dr. Halina Krupa. Doctor of Chiropractics, Doula and Self-Care expert among other roles. By Halina Krupa, D.C. The post-partum period is sometimes called the fourth trimester because it is still a delicate time; much care and attention is needed in order for mom to integrate her pregnancy as well as the birth experience, and for baby to adjust to his/her new environment and form strong bonds with the family. It’s an in-between time. It’s time to practice extreme self-care. 1. Writing your birth story is one way to help address the events and emotions of birth. Talk with someone and express whatever you are feeling. Often, moms are afraid to ‘say-it-as-it-is’ because of fear of being judged. So make sure you can sit down with a person whom you trust to just listen—your Doula, Midwife, another mom or a Counselor. This is no time to be shy and isolate yourself from your experience. Birth is an incredible initiation for women, a spiritual journey. Celebrate it—however it went. 2. Flower Essences are a wonderful tool to help with the intense emotions of pregnancy, childbirth and the postpartum period. Personally, this is when I discovered their gentle yet powerful healing properties. Mine was a stormy transition into motherhood and I felt overwhelmed, dancing with post partum depression for several weeks. They are gentle and you don’t have to worry about side effects since they work on homeopathic principles. Marigold (bonding, breastfeeding), Onion (releasing emotions and accepting change), Basil (protecting your space), and White Lily (self-confidence in parenting) are just a few of my favorites. You can find them on-line. The Rescue Remedy from Bach available at most health food stores is also helpful. Follow recommended dosage, and remember that in a crisis or an overwhelming situation you can repeat the recommended dose every 15 minutes until it subsides. For newborns, you can apply to skin or prepare a spray with which to mist the space around the baby, but generally, mom’s intake is enough. 3. How many moms have gone without a meal because of the demands of taking care of the baby? It’s an obvious: make sure you get enough nourishment and rest during this time. You are putting all your energy into nurturing your baby so you need to be nurtured by your family, community. Arrange for meals to be delivered for a week or two. Plan a Meal Train beforehand, at your Baby Shower or Blessingway, for instance. Or, have a get together with your favorite girlfriends and cook/freeze meals. Pre-package granola mixes in little zip lock bags or meal replacement bars that you can easily grab before you sit down to nurse the baby. 4. In the article, “In the Arms of the Mother,” Katherine Gyles talks about the practice of lying-in to allow mom to deeply bond with her newborn baby. Most non-Western cultures have such a practice, she mentions, where the new family, “Instead of the social pressures to introduce the baby, run the household, and entertain, this was the time of rest, healthy food, and connecting to this new person.” Meeting your baby’s basic needs and responding immediately to them helps them self-regulate their heart rate, cortisol levels, and digestion. Not only that, but it also sets a precedent to how they handle stress in the future. Am I taken care of? Responded to? Then, I’m O.K. Take as long of a maternity leave as you possibly can, limit visitors and make an announcement in advance that the family needs to bond and will appreciate privacy—that way people’s feelings won’t get hurt. Remember to give yourself and your newborn baby time to integrate this incredible experience. It’s a once in a lifetime and it’s the first time you get to really fall in love with each other. About Dr. Krupa (from her Website): "Dr. Krupa is a Chiropractor, a Self-Care Expert and a Body-Centered Coach. She is a certified: Infant Massage Instructor, Catalyst Facilitator and Bionutritional Care Provider. She completed Doula training with Debra Pascali-Banaro and has attended births since 2002." Visit her online!
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NOTE: This post is from a momma in our Facebook community. By Eli Leblanc, member of Césarimouski About a year and a half ago, I realized that I didn't have to accept how my daughters were born because it is to me unacceptable. I don’t have to forgive myself, the midwife, the nurses, the obstetrician, the anaesthetist, the society and life in general for what happened because it is to me unforgiveable. Trying to accept and forgive felt and still feels like a lack of respect for myself. This was a big step. I felt more serene than I had felt since the birth of my eldest 4 years ago and apart from 2 or 3 episodes a month, I was able to keep this whole PTSD thing under control. Then, last fall, I was hit by several unrelated sources of stress. My energy and morale became very low and consequently, the 2-3 episodes a month became 2-3 episodes a day. I was finding it hard to concentrate at work and started having problems sleeping. I was irritable with my partner and my children. I could see myself falling into depression and I got scared. So I decided to delegate everything I could. I cut down on my hours at work. I went out of town for a weekend to visit my brother, just for a change of scenery. I took an appointment with my psychologist. Within 2 weeks, I was feeling much better. But it made me realize how fragile I still was. Indeed, my mental health has enjoyed a rollercoaster ride since. It’s not all bad. I have been doing more introspection in the last few months than ever and I now have a better idea of where I stand. But it has also been exhausting. Sometimes I’m ok for a week or two. Then it hits me again. Triggers, tears, concentration and irritability problems. Not manageable anymore, but still unacceptable. I am at a crossroad. I could continue walking on the same well known path, rehashing my old unacceptable story, but knowing that at the end of that road, there is quite possibly a cliff. I could also decide to branch off the next path and really commit myself to embark on the acceptance and forgiveness journey for my own and my family’s sake. I saw my psychologist last week. I had the vague intention of announcing I was ready to let go and really start sorting out my issues, rather than just brushing against them like I’ve been doing for 4 years. I thought I had finally worked out the courage, but I chickened out. At the crossroad stands a giant wall preventing me from branching off. But I know I can’t carry on the main path anymore. So what can I actually do? Dig a hole in the wall? I honestly don’t have the energy. Look harder for a door that I could have missed? All this introspection made my vision blurry, I can’t focus anymore. Wait for a door to magically appear when time comes? Actually, I think I’m gonna do just that. I’m gonna to camp at the crossroad for a while. Make myself comfy, cook corn on the cobs on the fire (never been a fan of marshmallow or sausages…), play some folk songs on my guitar and chill. Forget about introspection and take some distance from my trauma. Recharge my batteries. And wait for this door to magically appear. Then I shall have to strength to open it. I hope. Who knows, maybe the door is already there and I’m just too blinded to see it right now. Complement: What I can’t let go My anger. It gives me the energy to write, to organize c-sections support group meetings, to militate for perinatal rights. Being naturally lazy, I doubt I would bother doing all that if I was serene about the birth of my children. My pain. I didn’t give birth. I wasn’t even conscious when my eldest was birth. Both times I was separated from my baby. I was never able to breastfeed exclusively. Having another child under the circumstances is out of the question. There’s a big part of my femininity I will never have access to. My pain is the only tie I’ve got to all that. What will I have left if I let it go? My resentment. Why did my midwife tell me birth center was equivalent to home birth when the latter shows less transfer to the hospital? Why all those unnecessary vaginal exams? Why did everyone start scaring me as soon as I reached 41 weeks of pregnancy? Why, WHY did the anesthetist put me under general anesthesia WITHOUT MY CONSENT when nothing in my medical file can justify such an extreme measure? Say it with me: UNACCEPTABLE! My guilt. Why did I make big decisions so lightly? Why did I trust my midwife so blindly? My responsibility. In the end, it was my responsibility to inform myself correctly. Was I misguided? Yes. But did I take the time to really wonder where it would make more sense to do such an intimate act as giving birth? No. Did I research the interventions that were performed on me? No. This is my share of blame. “I don’t want to “shave” my faults away, I want to leave them intact and, eventually, learn to accept them. The birth of my children couldn’t have been less empowering. Maybe this could be? (View Empowerment and hairy legs: Accepting strength over weakness)”. My “high” expectations. Wait a second! The vast majority of women are able to accomplish the extraordinary AND ordinary exploit of giving birth naturally when they give themselves and are given the chance. In the end, I was aspiring to only one thing: being normal. No, I do not find this extravagant. Did your birth reach your expectations? Is there anything from your birth experience that you aren't ready to let go of yet? For another glimpse in Eli's healing story, read her previous guest posts: Also Related:
Introducing: Pillow Talk! Having a blog is great. But I know there is a minority of folks out there who just aren't readers, but could hang out on Youtube all night long. Plus, I'm always working on Momma Trauma after the kids are in bed when I want to be in bed, too. Viola: Pillow Talk! It should conquer both problems in a "girlfriend like" setting. Who doesn't like pillow talk? This edition is about my birth trauma story. You can read more about it here, if you're a reader like me! This video may be triggering. What should the next pillow talk be about? I'm thinking a girlfriend-y chat on WHY all this is so darn important.
It makes me sad, furious rather, when I hear about women who are not just treated poorly during the perinatal period, but violently even. I hear these stories everyday (no lie, new stories every day) from women in my own country, the United States of America. The Land of the Free. Where doctors are free to violate a woman's body and baby with no expectation of legal recourse, but the woman is not free to her own human rights of decency, respect, informed decision making and autonomy. Today, the story of a Tampa Bay, Florida mom went viral after her doctor threatened law enforcement on her if she did not come in TODAY for a cesarean section. The Tampa Bay Times wrote, "Patient Lisa Epsteen, 35, who was past her due date, wanted to wait until Friday for the surgery, which would be her fifth cesarean delivery, according to a lawyer representing her at the National Advocates for Pregnant Women." Momma Lisa did not have an appointment today that we know of, rather she was e-mailed by her doctor. Perhaps to have this demand in writing? It surely isn't helping him right now. The Tampa Bay Times recounted the e-mail: But Dr. Jerome Yankowitz said in the email he was "deeply concerned that you are contributing to a very high probability that your fetus will die or your child will incur brain damage if born alive. At this time, you must come in for delivery. I'm sure Momma Lisa would hate for this action to be taken, too. As would the NAPW who is representing her. That would just make for a lot of paperwork and court proceedings for everything and that's just a hassle. A momma to a newborn just doesn't have time for all that mess! On a serious note, WHY, why........ if this is so incredibly important to the doctor to pull the "dead baby card," Why did he e-mail this to Momma Lisa instead of otherwise convincing her to come into the office to have this conversation with her? What if it went to Spam, or a wrong e-mail address? I know many doctors offices are converting to an e-mail system now, but this is kind of important, don't you think? What if she never received the e-mail in time? Would officers just have shown up on her doorstep without warning? And wouldn't the undue stress of law enforcement arriving at an expectant mom's home to pick her up and bring her in for a non-consensual procedure, wouldn't that have negative affects on the baby and mom? I'm just guessing here, but I would assume that is not a stress-free event. I try to remain a somewhat professional blogger, as professional as bloggers can get. But I'm pissed. I'm sick (and tired!, do you know that Bill Cosby skit, too?) of women being treated like we don't have brains. We are intelligent members of society, capable of making rational and informed decisions for ourselves, our bodies and our babies. And in most cases, moms making "alternative" decisions for their care have done enough research to write a dissertation on their own pregnancy and labor including detailed charts and diagrams. (Yes, I'm generalizing. I know there are a few women in society who don't know a uterus from a kidney.) Not only that, but there is no reason to involve police when no law has been broken. The doctor's e-mail was forwarded to a staff attorney with the NAPW, Farah Diaz-Tello who is a lovely woman I might add. I've spoken to her several times regarding my own case, but they didn't have lawyers in Delaware. She's lovely. Here's part of the press release from the NAPW: NAPW has sent a letter to the hospital explaining that the threat of arrest lacks justification in both law and medical ethics. Farah Diaz-Tello, NAPW Staff Attorney explained, “Women do not lose their rights to medical decision making, bodily integrity and physical liberty upon becoming pregnant or at any stage of pregnancy, labor or delivery.” Who gives you the right, Dr. Yankowitz, to arrest a woman for declining a cesarean section? She even had every intention of going in for her c-section on Friday. Just not today. What's the big rush? Did you notice something in the charts or new bloodwork? Was her blood pressure high (I bet it is now!)? Do you care what your actions may have done to this mom & baby dyad's physical health? How about their mental health? What risks would your emergency, RIGHT NOW, cesarean delivery have come with over the normal risks of a scheduled c-section? These are, of course, questions we don't know the answer to and perhaps never will. The bottom line is that your actions are detrimental to the health of moms and babies everywhere. Yes, everywhere, because had you actually been able to go through with your misdeed, other medical professionals may have seen that as an "okay" and done so themselves. They need to know this is NOT okay.
Although sadly, many already think this is Okay. Stories happen like this every week in America, Canada, Europe, Asia, Africa, all over. Just a couple of weeks ago I heard of a case in PA where a woman was threatened with CPS, child protective services, that they would come take her baby away from her for good if she didn't consent to a c-section. That same day, I heard of an eerily similar case in Canada. Perhaps this is the first you're hearing of the maternal health crisis in the United States. I assure you, it won't be the last. Nor is it the first of its kind. (Note: I'm well aware that there are some fantastic doctors out there. This is just one bad egg out of the bunch. Don't shoot the messenger.) Where do doctors get the idea that these actions are acceptable? What would you have done if you were put in Momma Lisa's position? This is a guest post from dad-blogger, You Da Man! for our More than Baby Blues series. Send your guy friends, husbands, nephews... Seriously. There's a flying dad with a super hero cape on every page. They'll like it. I am a father of two beautiful teenagers, yes even teenagers are beautiful. They are my world without a doubt in my mind, always front and centre in anything I do. As a man I could recall so vividly the birth of our children just as if it was yesterday, even though it was 16 years ago when my first child was born, both of them are blessings in my life. I would like to go back to the first few months of me being a dad. It was a crucial time for me in my life. We did all the prep work or at least we thought we did prior to our daughter being born. The day was so memorable and a complete paradigm shift for me as a Man who is now a Dad. I still believe and will till my days end thank GOD women are the ones who give birth in the physical sense. I know I would be still laying there, yes sixteen years later thinking what just happened. Unfortunately there are no medals to be handed out however it is a gift from above for us to have children. My wife was overdue by 11 days; being induced was the only thing to do. Now I can’t blame our child for wanting to hang out longer in there but it was time to see the world. She had a scheduled induction but along the way they forgot about the epidural and boy oh boy did things change in a hurry in more ways than I would have ever imagined. Our bundle of joy was born at 10lbs 2oz. Then things changed in a hurry for me as a man. I had no idea on what was coming however I did know that my life changed that moment. All was good with Baby and Mom but Dad was feeling something that he had no idea on what it was. The mind is a powerful thing with all the emotions inside. A ton of activity inside the most powerful organ within us. I can remember so vividly; here is what happened in my mind and body:
I found the help I needed to get back on track in life. I thank my friend to this day for kicking me in the butt. To the men who are suffering I say here is what I did. I hope it helps you get back on track.
Take the negativity out of your life and always remain calm. They need you and you need them. Being a parent definitely has its challenges but with the right mindset you will overcome each and every possible challenge, I know I did and so can you. I hope that this helps some of you get inspired to get the help you need or refer someone to get some help. You’re Awesome and don’t ever forget it. Finally here is a man who has taken it to another level first experiencing postpartum depression himself and then helping others. Don’t think you are not the only one but do know there are resources to help you get back on track. Here is Mr. Sam Stevens LMFT, his contact info is below. Sam Stevens, LMFT 516 SE Morrison St, Suite 310 Portland, OR 97214 503-957-8797 [email protected] www.samstevensmft.com To all you dads we salute you. From all us at www.youdaman.ca, stay positive and do great things for your families in a positive manner and especially your children. You DaMan! Some days, like today, I need a recharge. Posts on here usually take me a while to write because I like to gather all my information and resources first, so I at least somewhat look like I know what I'm doing. That's the journalist coming out in me! But, I have to try to balance that with *everything* I do as a mom and wife. Sometimes, it doesn't work as well as I'd like it to. For example, last night. The kids (2 & 3 years old, girl & boy respectively) went to bed a little late. By 9 at least. Then Chickie Pea (our youngest) was up again around 10:30 for snuggles. She's got a head cold. So that made my night even longer, naturally. I had to take the dogs out, we have two. I was up until about 2 a.m. finishing up yesterday's blog post and the (really super awesome) chart I made (that I'm really super proud of!). As soon as I headed to bed, Chickie Pea was up. Again. I finally dozed off around 3-ish. She was up again at 4:30. Our oldest (the 3 year old) was up at 7:10. Late by his standards. Chickie Pea toddled out shortly after. Clean butts, clean faces, breakfast and some lovin's... Then Chickie Pea crawled into my lap to nurse and fell asleep. Well, we all know that when the full weight of a warm, sleeping toddler is on your chest, one just can't stay awake. It's a rule. I fought it hard, I did. But exhaustion won. I hate to admit it because I feel guilty about having fallen asleep. But the mess you see in the photo there? Yeah. The older of the two was still awake and created that lovely picture by hand. Isn't he talented? He also tattoo'd his leg with black dry erase marker and brought me a stick of butter to unwrap for him to eat, which of course I didn't allow. It woke me up enough though to make them lunch since it was around 10:30 (they eat at 11). That was just this morning! As any mommy will tell you, sometimes you have to make sacrifices to do something you love to do. Even if that means letting the kids go wild (as long as no one is getting hurt or getting into things they shouldn't) so you can finish just.a.few.more.sentences! Or make that one phone call. This cheerio's explosion happened while I was on the phone with local Midwife Karen Webster (see her story here). We have almost no reception inside the house, so I had to stand just on the other side of the front door looking in. I watched this explosion occur in horror. You can understand, I'm sure. And other times, you just have to put down the laptop, phone, notebook (okay, not the notebook!) to spend those wonderful times with your family. That's why I do what I do. Ultimately, it's for our children. (And the fact that I can't stand women being hurt, abused, taken advantage of, all that activist-y talk!) I speak out for my children in hopes that OUR daughter will be able to birth how she needs and desires (think she'll let me be her doula?), with the same wish for our son's future partner. I hope they can look up to mom and say: You know? She's pretty darn awesome. She really did the best for us every chance she got!
All photos copyright 2013, Momma Trauma Blog. No permissions given for the use of these photos.
Check out her blog! This is a guest post from a fellow blogger for our More Than Baby Blues series, please check out her page: Mommy Trying 2 Survive Monday. Thanks for opening up to us to share a personal piece of you! I was 16 when I had my first child. The doctor told me he would probably be too big for me. (I only weighed 115 and we were looking at a 7+ lb baby) So at my last dr visit before birth we talked about options. I DID NOT want a C-section unless 100% necessary. (ew! 16 and a big ugly scar!? NO THANKS!) Well I started showing signs of Pre-eclampsia and it runs in my family. My mom had seizures when she had me and was in a coma for 3 days So I was sent to be induced the next day! Everything was great I was in NO pain so they started Pitocin and I did GREAT. Nothing hurt, I was like this is going to be easy. Then they broke my water and OH MY GAWD! I couldn't take it. I immediately wanted drugs. They gave me Stadol at first! BIG MISTAKE. That is a BITCH DRUG... it turned me into a total psycho! Then It was time for my epidural. That wasn't too bad except by the time I got it (at 5 cm) ten minutes later i jumped to 10 cm and felt like I needed to poop. I told my mom and she said Oh My God Don't!!!! and ran out to get my nurse. She called the doctor in and let me just say I had a seminatural birth because my epidural hadn't kicked in yet! I felt the pressure and the doctor told me when to push and all. The stadol made me sleep between contractions so I was in and out but I remember the tearing. Oh it hurt. My doctor told me I'm going to have to cut you a little so i can stitch you easier than the tear. But that wasn't enough... My baby was stuck. I pushed and pushed and I couldn't anymore He told me I had one other option before surgery and that was the forceps. He inserted them and My 6lb 9 oz son was out in the next push He was perfectly healthy and amazing and I cried and the first thing I said was "He looks like James!" (My brother) he is the spitting image today of my brother's pictures... The hard part came during recovery. My vajayjay had swollen to the size of a softball and I could not sit in warm water or sit period for that matter. I had to lay back. I couldn't pee. It wouldn't come out. I couldn't walk. For 24 hours I had to be cathed and the sad part is. It felt amazing. The pain I felt from the swelling was horrible and when they pulled my labia apart and relieved the pressure on my urethra it was heaven... I was finally able to urinate when my son was 2 days old and they let me go home the next morning. I still couldn't sit up or walk hardly. I couldn't get out of bed by myself for the pain so my son stayed in my mom's room at night and I cried every time I heard him. She would set him in the playpen by the couch with everything I needed to take care of him during the day so I was able to feel a little independent but I still couldnt sit up to change his diaper. After the first week of her keeping him at night and me having breakdowns she started fixing the bottles and bringing him to me at night and would sit with us while I fed him. Then she would take him back to her room so she could do it all over. I still couldn't walk or sit up. That routine lasted about another week and I was FINALLLY able to take care of him on my own. It hurt my feelings that I couldn't do those things. I missed all the nasty tar poop diapers and while most mothers think of those as the WORST ones, I cherished being able to change those with my two girls. My second Birth was alot better. I still used stadol and it still turned me into a bitch but delivery and recovery was MUCH less traumatic. I was terrified "IT" was going to happen again. My doctor had a family emergency so a different dr was there. I knew him so it wasn't uncomfortable or anything. He was really nice. But the babies heart rate dropped and I had to have oxygen. They wanted her out fast. I was already really close. He looked me in the eyes and threatened me. lol. We laugh about it now. But it did the trick. He said, "Your dr. told me you DO NOT want forceps. If you don't push that baby out soon I won't have any other choice except a C-Section. Do you understand? Good. Now Push!" I got her out with that next push and was so proud of my healthy little girl. No problems, heart was fine, lots of hair! SO BEAUTIFUL! He did have to stitch a little tear but not bad. No physical problems other than that! The problems arose when I got home. You see during the time I was pregnant with her I failed nursing school, got married, moved an hour away from my family, and my grandfather missed my wedding because he was in ICU and then Passed away a few days later. When we got home a few days later my son was sick (he had bronchitis) so he stayed with my parents. Then when my daughter was 10 days old we took her to the ER. She was coughing and wheezing. They did an RSV test it came back negative but they scheduled a follow up, told me to get a cool mist humidifier, and wait for the appointment. This was on a Saturday so our followup was on Monday. On Monday they did another RSV test that showed up positive. The dr told me she was already on the recovering side of the infection and that most babies her age DIE WITHOUT PROPER MEDICAL TREATMENT!!!! He asked me what the dr at the er told me and then asked me what else I did because that wasn't enough. I told him I sat up with her at night because she couldn't breathe laying back. I fed her as often as possible but It wasn't much. I kept her directly beside that humidifier with it blowing in her face cause I was terrified she wasn't getting enough of the filtered air. HE told me I saved her life. He prescribed her meds, a nebulizer and treatments that had to be given every 4 hours no matter what even through the night. I think everything that happened WHILE I was pregnant caught up with me When I heard she had almost died. I lost it. I couldn't get out of bed. I just wanted to lay there... My mom kept my son again cause we didn't want to chance him getting anything or him giving her anything else. So during the day it was just me and her while my husband worked. He literally had to wash the bottles and set them back up by the bed for me in the evening or I wouldn't be able to feed her. I would cry hysterically if I left my room to even pee. I never hurt my baby or neglected her. I just couldn't tend to her without crying. I didn't feel any sort of attachment to her. It was as if I was caring for someone else's child. I took care of her because she was a baby and needed me too. I didn't kiss her or cuddle her i just held her. When she was about 4 weeks old my son came back. And I thought okay I'll be able to get over this MY BABY is coming home. He was so infatuated with her so we would sit in the floor and play with her together because I didn't want him to hurt her. She WAS a baby. I still knew THAT much. Well something happened. It was about time for my husband to come home and My son hugged her and he didn't hurt her. She just didn't like it i guess. But she started crying and he started crying. I couldn't calm them down and I started crying. My husband walked in and we were all sitting in the middle of the living room floor WAILING big tearfilled sobs. I think he called my mother. I'm really not sure. He took the baby from me and fixed our son a snack and they stayed in the kitchen. But I remember going to the doctor a few days later and he insisted on coming with me. He told him I was acting crazy and that he had "heard" (from my mother I bet!) that this wasn't normal baby blues. The doctor diagnosed me with Postpartum Depression and I was immediately put on medication. I was feeling better in 2 days. I was finally able to form that connection with MY baby girl. She is such a momma's girl now! and I wouldn't have it any other way. My third child was completely wonderful I didn't use stadol but I did have and epidural. I LAUGHED AND JOKED through all of the pushing! I didn't bitch at anyone! it was great! no forceps, no tearing, no cutting, no stitches!!! I chose to breastfeed this time I'm loving it! but best of all. NO PPANYTHING!!! Having PPD doesn't mean EVERY pregnancy is doomed!!! It means you know the signs and what to look for next time. My husband watched me like a hawk! lol but I am glad he loves me enough to make me get some help. |
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July 2015
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