How often do you think you resemble an undead creature who moves very slowly and is not really with it enough to be aware of the things going on around you? Everyday for you, too, huh? It seems to be an unwritten, daily requirement in mommy territory. Zombie Prep Dad, as my husband has recently named himself, would even venture to tell you Zombie-ness affects dads far too often, too. But do you think your inner Zombie attacks more frequently than it should? Brainnssss…. Toddlersss….. Coffeeeee….. (speaking of which, I need to make another pot, but I digress!). There’s definitely a level of Zombie that most parents deal with on (usually) a daily basis. Especially when you have the young children still running around, laundry to do, dishes to hand wash, dogs to let loose outside so they don’t let loose inside, a partner to feed and keep mildly happy at least, meetings to attend or run, possibly a business or work to contend with, volunteering, church, keeping in touch with friends, the lists really could go on and on. And all this on little to no sleep. But hey, as long as we have a coffee pot running all day, we’re good, right? What happens when that’s not enough? Depression, PTSD, Anxiety, OCD and other postpartum mental health disorders can turn the every-day, lack of sleep Zombie (or Mombie as some call us!) into a different Zombie altogether. We may not even realize what is happening to us at first. We might say, “No, it can’t be. I’m not crazy! It’s just Baby Blues and I’ll snap out of it soon.” You may be happy one second, and angry or sad the next. It’s certainly different for everyone. Depending on the illness of course, this Zombie can often be affected by a murky fog that keeps reality at a distance. I’ve been in that fog, and it’s no Zombie picnic. For me, it was a fog from post-traumatic stress disorder and depression. I eventually found myself trudging through life, clinging to the clock in anticipation of everyone leaving for the day to go to work so I could break down again. Some days I wouldn’t even be able to wait that long and I would just cry no matter who was home, not able to hide the tears. But when asked what was wrong, I would simply mutter, “I’m just so happy to be with my baby” because I didn’t want them to know the truth and think I was crazy. I didn’t even believe the truth myself. What was the truth? Truth was, I didn’t want to nurse my baby, or hear her cry, or hear her coo. I definitely didn’t want to deal with our 16 month old toddler who was into everything. I adored naptimes, because when I wasn’t crying, all I wanted to do was sleep and who can’t sleep with an infant on your chest? Otherwise, I didn’t want to be touched. Sex was pretty much out of the picture because of the depression AND ptsd, I definitely wasn’t taking care of myself like I should. But, at least the kids were dressed and fed, right? I would wonder why I was there. I would tell myself, if it weren’t for the kids needing their mother around, I might not stick around. (I’ve gotten past that, I promise) I tell you all that because postpartum mental illnesses, not baby blues, can be as dangerous as deadly. It’s okay to feel down, anxious, stressed, overwhelmed… What’s not okay is not seeking help. “Help” is different for everyone. I encourage anyone who struggles with mental illnesses at any point to see a counselor, someone who is qualified to diagnose and counsel you through this patch in life. Seeing a counselor doesn’t automatically mean you have to go on medications, it just means you need someone to help sort out your thoughts a bit. When I meet with friends, birth doula clients or well, let’s face it, I try to talk to every pregnant mom I can because I could just talk boobs, placenta’s and uteri all day long… I always emphasize the importance of knowing which key signs of postpartum mental illnesses to look for, especially to the partners and loved ones I meet. It is so important to understand that no matter how well educated you are on the topic, you may not realize that YOU might be going through something more than just Baby Blues. Because of that, it is imperative (especially for those of us with a history of mental illness) that those closest to us understand the signs of postpartum mental illness in the event we don’t see it ourselves. Over the next week, we will set our Zombie, coffee-filled sights on each postpartum mental illness (and Baby Blues!) and discuss the warning signs we and our loved ones can keep in mind. I’ll try to keep it light and easy to ready, because if you wanted to read a textbook on mental illness, you’d have gotten one already I’m sure! If you have dealt with a postpartum mental illness and wouldn’t mind sharing your story, or even a glimpse, please comment below or e-mail. Anonymous is always welcomed. Do you want this series delivered straight to your inbox? Subscribe to Momma Trauma! To repin this story on Pinterest, click the image above or here. STAY TUNED: Friday, A dad-blogger will talk with us about Postpartum Depression in Dads! Stay tuned for more posts throughout the week. FOLLOW THE SERIES:
7 Comments
2/27/2013 05:46:41 am
I had PPD with my second child. I will facebook you that story. :)
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2/27/2013 09:01:33 am
This was wonderful and I am so glad you can reach out to so many moms out there with this information. They need to know they're not alone. Heck, after my 1st was born, I locked myself in the bathroom the day I came home from the hospital and threatened to leave my husband...with the baby..and move far, far away....
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This is such a good idea for a series. It makes me sad that people always assume they are "crazy" if they are struggling. It is not talked about enough and there is still such a stigma. If everyone would speak openly about their issues, be it anxiety, depression, etc, I think others would seek help much more quickly.
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2/27/2013 09:03:59 pm
This is something I never though would happen to me! But it did after my second child. What was so strange was that I was so happy and elated after his birth and for the week or so afterward that when I fell from that high, I fell hard. And couldn't figure out for the life of me why I wasn't happy anymore. I got some help and now feel great! I'm so glad you are going to be talking about this! Other mothers shouldn't be ashamed of how they are feeling and need good resources to help them out with all of these feelings!
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2/27/2013 10:48:36 pm
I am so glad you are talking about this. It's such an incredibly important topic. I had mild PPD twice. My dh wasn't much help either time, nor was my one sil who said something to me. I think I could have done so much better had the people around me really helped me. I'm still struggling with the lack of support so I try always to turn that into being supportive of others.
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