Check out her blog! This is a guest post from a fellow blogger for our More Than Baby Blues series, please check out her page: Mommy Trying 2 Survive Monday. Thanks for opening up to us to share a personal piece of you! I was 16 when I had my first child. The doctor told me he would probably be too big for me. (I only weighed 115 and we were looking at a 7+ lb baby) So at my last dr visit before birth we talked about options. I DID NOT want a C-section unless 100% necessary. (ew! 16 and a big ugly scar!? NO THANKS!) Well I started showing signs of Pre-eclampsia and it runs in my family. My mom had seizures when she had me and was in a coma for 3 days So I was sent to be induced the next day! Everything was great I was in NO pain so they started Pitocin and I did GREAT. Nothing hurt, I was like this is going to be easy. Then they broke my water and OH MY GAWD! I couldn't take it. I immediately wanted drugs. They gave me Stadol at first! BIG MISTAKE. That is a BITCH DRUG... it turned me into a total psycho! Then It was time for my epidural. That wasn't too bad except by the time I got it (at 5 cm) ten minutes later i jumped to 10 cm and felt like I needed to poop. I told my mom and she said Oh My God Don't!!!! and ran out to get my nurse. She called the doctor in and let me just say I had a seminatural birth because my epidural hadn't kicked in yet! I felt the pressure and the doctor told me when to push and all. The stadol made me sleep between contractions so I was in and out but I remember the tearing. Oh it hurt. My doctor told me I'm going to have to cut you a little so i can stitch you easier than the tear. But that wasn't enough... My baby was stuck. I pushed and pushed and I couldn't anymore He told me I had one other option before surgery and that was the forceps. He inserted them and My 6lb 9 oz son was out in the next push He was perfectly healthy and amazing and I cried and the first thing I said was "He looks like James!" (My brother) he is the spitting image today of my brother's pictures... The hard part came during recovery. My vajayjay had swollen to the size of a softball and I could not sit in warm water or sit period for that matter. I had to lay back. I couldn't pee. It wouldn't come out. I couldn't walk. For 24 hours I had to be cathed and the sad part is. It felt amazing. The pain I felt from the swelling was horrible and when they pulled my labia apart and relieved the pressure on my urethra it was heaven... I was finally able to urinate when my son was 2 days old and they let me go home the next morning. I still couldn't sit up or walk hardly. I couldn't get out of bed by myself for the pain so my son stayed in my mom's room at night and I cried every time I heard him. She would set him in the playpen by the couch with everything I needed to take care of him during the day so I was able to feel a little independent but I still couldnt sit up to change his diaper. After the first week of her keeping him at night and me having breakdowns she started fixing the bottles and bringing him to me at night and would sit with us while I fed him. Then she would take him back to her room so she could do it all over. I still couldn't walk or sit up. That routine lasted about another week and I was FINALLLY able to take care of him on my own. It hurt my feelings that I couldn't do those things. I missed all the nasty tar poop diapers and while most mothers think of those as the WORST ones, I cherished being able to change those with my two girls. My second Birth was alot better. I still used stadol and it still turned me into a bitch but delivery and recovery was MUCH less traumatic. I was terrified "IT" was going to happen again. My doctor had a family emergency so a different dr was there. I knew him so it wasn't uncomfortable or anything. He was really nice. But the babies heart rate dropped and I had to have oxygen. They wanted her out fast. I was already really close. He looked me in the eyes and threatened me. lol. We laugh about it now. But it did the trick. He said, "Your dr. told me you DO NOT want forceps. If you don't push that baby out soon I won't have any other choice except a C-Section. Do you understand? Good. Now Push!" I got her out with that next push and was so proud of my healthy little girl. No problems, heart was fine, lots of hair! SO BEAUTIFUL! He did have to stitch a little tear but not bad. No physical problems other than that! The problems arose when I got home. You see during the time I was pregnant with her I failed nursing school, got married, moved an hour away from my family, and my grandfather missed my wedding because he was in ICU and then Passed away a few days later. When we got home a few days later my son was sick (he had bronchitis) so he stayed with my parents. Then when my daughter was 10 days old we took her to the ER. She was coughing and wheezing. They did an RSV test it came back negative but they scheduled a follow up, told me to get a cool mist humidifier, and wait for the appointment. This was on a Saturday so our followup was on Monday. On Monday they did another RSV test that showed up positive. The dr told me she was already on the recovering side of the infection and that most babies her age DIE WITHOUT PROPER MEDICAL TREATMENT!!!! He asked me what the dr at the er told me and then asked me what else I did because that wasn't enough. I told him I sat up with her at night because she couldn't breathe laying back. I fed her as often as possible but It wasn't much. I kept her directly beside that humidifier with it blowing in her face cause I was terrified she wasn't getting enough of the filtered air. HE told me I saved her life. He prescribed her meds, a nebulizer and treatments that had to be given every 4 hours no matter what even through the night. I think everything that happened WHILE I was pregnant caught up with me When I heard she had almost died. I lost it. I couldn't get out of bed. I just wanted to lay there... My mom kept my son again cause we didn't want to chance him getting anything or him giving her anything else. So during the day it was just me and her while my husband worked. He literally had to wash the bottles and set them back up by the bed for me in the evening or I wouldn't be able to feed her. I would cry hysterically if I left my room to even pee. I never hurt my baby or neglected her. I just couldn't tend to her without crying. I didn't feel any sort of attachment to her. It was as if I was caring for someone else's child. I took care of her because she was a baby and needed me too. I didn't kiss her or cuddle her i just held her. When she was about 4 weeks old my son came back. And I thought okay I'll be able to get over this MY BABY is coming home. He was so infatuated with her so we would sit in the floor and play with her together because I didn't want him to hurt her. She WAS a baby. I still knew THAT much. Well something happened. It was about time for my husband to come home and My son hugged her and he didn't hurt her. She just didn't like it i guess. But she started crying and he started crying. I couldn't calm them down and I started crying. My husband walked in and we were all sitting in the middle of the living room floor WAILING big tearfilled sobs. I think he called my mother. I'm really not sure. He took the baby from me and fixed our son a snack and they stayed in the kitchen. But I remember going to the doctor a few days later and he insisted on coming with me. He told him I was acting crazy and that he had "heard" (from my mother I bet!) that this wasn't normal baby blues. The doctor diagnosed me with Postpartum Depression and I was immediately put on medication. I was feeling better in 2 days. I was finally able to form that connection with MY baby girl. She is such a momma's girl now! and I wouldn't have it any other way. My third child was completely wonderful I didn't use stadol but I did have and epidural. I LAUGHED AND JOKED through all of the pushing! I didn't bitch at anyone! it was great! no forceps, no tearing, no cutting, no stitches!!! I chose to breastfeed this time I'm loving it! but best of all. NO PPANYTHING!!! Having PPD doesn't mean EVERY pregnancy is doomed!!! It means you know the signs and what to look for next time. My husband watched me like a hawk! lol but I am glad he loves me enough to make me get some help.
2 Comments
3/1/2013 12:11:35 pm
Wow! You went through so much with those births! I had depression after my 1st was born but back then they didn't have a name for it other than the blues. I am just so happy they were able to diagnose it early for you and get you on meds. And no look at you--proud mama of 3 awesome kids!! I like these happy endings!
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6/8/2013 06:04:05 pm
I think the home should feel pleasant smell.
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