Upset. Frustrated. Sad. Confused. And a myriad of other thoughts and emotions with a string of obscenities. Chickie Pea's birthday is coming up, March 30th. It will have been two years to the day. Anniversaries are so hard when they come and go. I haven't even begun planning her birthday party yet this year, so it looks like we may have to have a belated party. Honestly though, Easter is the day after her birthday and my sister is getting married the next weekend... so it's pretty busy anyways. We might have a joint daddy/daughter birthday party the next weekend. I guess I didn't realize that if I started planning her birthday, I'd have to think about the day and subconsciously, I just don't want to go there. For the past year and a half, I have contacted RAINN, lawyers, the National Advocates for Pregnant Women, many other women's rights organizations, police, everyone I could think of, and no one wants to take it on as a case, or have the ability to because of state jurisdictions as was the case with the NAPW. I've talked and talked til I can't find anyone to talk to anymore. So I gave up. Now that the date is getting closer, I wish I hadn't given up. I contacted someone I knew on my last fleeting chance at finding a lawyer. He gave me some referrals, which I've been calling. The first was rather snippy about the statute of limitations coming up which would make it impossible at this point. The second politely listened to my story and explained that his office could not take the case for a variety of reasons, but he gave me a few things I would need to do to remotely have a chance at winning. I needed to:
I feel like I just lost the last fleeting chance at the possibility I've been clinging on to for over a year... The possibility of recourse for actions that should never have happened. I just broke down and sobbed to my husband who held me tight for dear life. He took me in his arms a few times this morning to slow dance to the music on the kids' movie that was playing, asked if he could cook lunch, it was very touching. (So if you read this hubby of mine, thank you.) After my conversation with the lawyer, I e-mailed the board of medical licensure for our state to ask if they, too, would be affected by the statute of limitations. I was called shortly after with a No, that has no bearing on the outcome of the complaint I filed (months ago....). Since creating this blog in November, I have come to know many activists who work directly with human rights involving women and childbirth. Heeding the lawyer's advice, I frantically messaged a few of the "top dawg's" in the field to see if they might know anyone, someone who can help find "the one" doctor who might be willing to testify in my case. There may be ONE! I'm waiting to hear back. Impatiently. Please oh please oh please oh please. I know I am not the only woman this has happened to, as not only I, but those who work in the field also have heard many similar cases. This must stop. I just want this nightmare to end. When did we lose our rights to tell a man he's not welcome in our vagina's? Or women for that matter, it happens with female professionals, too. I understand that it's not easy to wrap your mind around the "Why would a doctor do something that wouldn't be beneficial to the patient?" I do. But understand that even in the best case scenario and the doctor honest-to-God thought he was doing the right thing, if the mom did not consent to the procedure, that is then still considered a violent act. I'm not sure how I'll make it through Chickie Pea's birthday. I didn't realize it would be this tough. Related Posts: Empower Ourselves: My Story & Word Clouds Does rape during childbirth make it not rape at all? Stepping back to examine the Psycho
8 Comments
3/18/2013 03:47:03 am
I do so wish you all the best, as I think this is bigger than you, this could pave the way for many other women as well!
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3/18/2013 04:37:49 am
Anita, thank you. And you're absolutely right. The thing that jump started me to file a formal complaint in the first place is because I know I'm not the only one. And I won't be the last. But damnit, I can do my part to help save one mom or two from the crap I've had to deal with! (Pow!) Thank you for being supportive. <3
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3/18/2013 04:29:22 am
It just breaks my heart that this episode has caused you so much anguish and is robbing you every day of the joy you could be feeling. So called "professionals" should never be made to feel that they are above the law. I have to believe that there will be a positive outcome to this. You keep fighting. We will keep supporting you!
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3/18/2013 04:36:12 am
Penny, thank you. You have been so supportive since we "met." I really appreciate it, all of your comments have made me smile and brightened my day. <3
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3/18/2013 05:57:42 am
It is a sorry state of affairs when women continue to actually be brutalized during birth. My prayers for you.
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I wish it were as simple as "leave it in the past." But I know very well that it is hard to let go of certain disappointments. Especially in dealing with violations during childbirth. I hope you find closure and like Anita said, help other women that have or may have similar experiences. Best of luck! <3 bethanne
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I am keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you! I can't imagine how frustrating it must be. As for the birthday, have a small celebration the day. Our daughter (who turned 2 last year!) was over the moon when we took her out for pizza and ice cream last year on her bday. No fuss, just us.
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3/19/2013 06:03:27 am
I think you are awesome for all that you are doing to help other women. You are extremely brave to be so open about what happened to you! There are a lot of people who would be unaware of these issues without you!
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