Tonight, I find myself behind my vendor table at a quarter auction to benefit a local middle school cheer-leading squad. There girls are obviously (hopefully) not in their childbearing years yet, but it makes me ponder:
* What will our birthing climate look like by then? 10 or 20 years from now? * What do they experience in the doctor's office now when they go in for their yearly's? Is it as pleasant as a visit of that kind can be? Do they even need those exams so early? * Will our daughters have to go through what we went through? * What will we tell them about their births? Or their siblings birth as may be the case. I have a daughter. We call her Chickie Pea. Chickie Pea is, well, her birth was the really traumatic one for me. I often find myself asking these very questions. What WILL it be like when she's ready to have my grandbaby (whom I will love and babywear and call my little squishy and he/she shall be my little squishy!)? Will I have raised her to understand natural childbirth and breastfeeding? Will she let me be her doula & advocate? (I have high hopes!) Will she be strong enough to stand her own and make her own decisions when the time comes? The question I struggle with most is: what will I tell her? I was speaking to someone the other day about this and she said: PSYCHO! Why would anyone share that with their daughters? Psycho. This word has been resonating in my mind since. I can't wrap my mind around what she said. Why would I lie to Chickie Pea? Why wouldn't I tell her? Her birth story is a part of both of us. Then I think, when I tell her, I don't want her to think it was her fault. I don't want her to be afraid of doctors. I don't want her to be afraid of childbirth. It chokes me up to think about. I hope I can convey to her AND our son that it happened, it sucked and I made a little part of the world a better place because of it. I want to convey strength, empowerment, one strong & bad ass Momma! Chickie Pea is the biggest reason I took on the name "Momma Trauma." She is why I have to stand up for myself, for her, for my future daughter in law, future grandsquishies, for momma's here, there & everywhere. We didn't deserve this and they certainly don't either. *tears* Psycho. Am I? Maybe. But I stand by my psycho.
1 Comment
10/24/2013 12:30:59 am
Interesting thoughts, just wanted to mention I came from Google.
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AuthorWelcome to Momma Trauma's Blog! Thoughts, empowering posts and stories straight from Momma Trauma herself, Birth Trauma families & birth professionals. Archives
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