NOTE: This post may be triggering. Read with caution. Today, I'm irritated. Beyond the usual mommy of two toddlers both in their terrible twos irritated. I'm irritated by fellow human rights activists. And we get the same rhetoric from those who are not activists, but it really peaks my nerve when we heard things such as these ESPECIALLY from activists: At least everyone is healthy! We are all fighting the same battle here: PRO Human rights. Doesn't matter whether you're an activist for gay rights, women in Uganda, abortion (or anti-abortion!), sexual assault victims, we're all in this to support the very broad concept of human rights. I don't understand how a sexual assault activist can tell me my experience shouldn't be classified as rape. What about my experience DOESN'T sound like rape to you? The part regarding forced submission by someone else? How about having non-consensual fingers where they didn't belong? Or maybe it was the power and need for control that was confusing? Generally when I explain it like that, an anti-sexual assault activist will understand and "take my side." Until... (Enter the word "Doctor" here) Then all of a sudden, it's not rape. You are telling me that my experience doesn't qualify as a rape simply because a medical professional performed a "life-saving" procedure during childbirth. Let me explain something to you. (Yes, I'm pissed) You are devaluing my experience, along with experiences of a myriad of women across the globe simply because our "rape" didn't fit the cookie cutter standards you may have associated with the term. The FBI recently updated their Uniform Crime Report's definition of rape. It reads, *ahem*: “The penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.” Dear Anti-sexual assault victim advocates & activists: RAPE IS RAPE. I have called the RAINN (Rape, abuse & incest national network) hotline several times in the course of my healing and Thank God for them. They are absolutely amazing and all of the counselors I spoke with there on the hotline were wonderful and understanding. They really helped me get a grasp on my emotions and possible courses of actions I could take. And even some non-hotline activists are totally understanding. But there's (always) a few bad eggs in the bunch who really make me feel like crud, and have even told me I'm doing rape victims everywhere a disservice by identifying my birth trauma experience as "birth rape." YOU, few bad eggs in the bunch, YOU are doing rape victims a disservice by telling me that my rape wasn't real enough to be rape.
We need to call rape what it is no matter where it occurred or who the perpetrator was in that situation. Remember when Spousal rape wasn't even a concept? Yea, me neither. But I have read stories and news articles all about it and the battle which ensued to make it so folks understood that yes, partners can be the perpetrators. We've come too far to tell a woman she wasn't really raped. Nah, I don't think you were really raped. How dare you. It's thinking in that manner that allows states such as my own, Delaware, to have rape legislation which excludes doctors and police officers from said legislation if performing "diagnosis or treatment" or "lawful performance of his or her duties." I wonder what it would take to get Delaware's legal system to finally stop excluding doctors and police officers from the rape laws. If you're the legal type, you can check out Delaware's sexual assault laws here. Do you know your state, country, province, etc.'s laws regarding sexual assault?
2 Comments
Daniela
2/13/2013 04:24:17 am
I completely agree with you. When I unfortunately gave birth in a hospital to my first son, I felt like this, but when I dared tell in a forum that that was rape I received the same "bad egg"'s answer you received. Some women who probably had been raped or that had close friends who had been, just answered me with those comments you reported. Making comparison just like yours (no consent etc.) I told them that the only thing which was lacking in my case was the sweat of the raper, and I ended telling them that I would have much prefered it were "just" a "real" rape, as mine wasn't in their opinion, because at least I would have not ended up mutilated with an episiotomy I repeatedly denied consent to, so at least I would be whole. They were "a bit" angered at my answer... never as much as I was livid at theirs anyway. YOU are right. Absolutely right.
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DSLB
9/13/2013 11:31:36 pm
I was raped during my child birth, by the doctor and by the nurses, I was not listened to, I was treated like a child, I was violated when the exam me without my consent, broke my water, tore my vagina with their hands, mutilated me, gave me an epidural against my will, pulled my child by the head and finally I lost the control of my lower body, my vagina healed 2cm open, that tare was not stitched, I have PTSD.
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