It's been a while since I last blogged. Sometimes you have to spend extra time on family and life in general, so that's what I've been up to. I spent a couple of days speaking with lawyers which were recently recommended to me as a last ditch effort. No dice. A few of them were short with me over the issue. One was very nice and explained his office was not able to help. This took a toll on me for a few days as I realized I just lost my last chance at seeing my trauma issue and doctor in court. There were tears, sobs really. There *will* be a hearing at least in front of our state medical board of licensure and disciple. And I *will* be there when it happens. I hope a few of you who are local will join me as it will be difficult. Also this week was Chickie-Pea's 2nd birthday, and consequently the 2nd anniversary of my abuse. Those who don't understand birth trauma have an even harder time understanding the idea of a birthday being a trigger of any kind. I just ask that those who don't understand try to put themselves in our emotional shoes, TRY to understand just a little bit. When you celebrate a birthday of your little one, or big one depending on the year! When that annual day comes to pass, don't you almost always think back to the day you met that person? In a mom or dads case, the actual birthing event? Imagine that event and memory a traumatic one. Even though we love our children and they're the most beautiful and precious beings on this earth, their entry was not so amazing for some of us. And we are reminded of that event every year. I hear it gets easier over time. This year, it was hard for me knowing I no longer have a chance at court. Chickie-Pea's actual birthday was great though. We tried to focus only on her, which worked for the most part! Chickie-Pea, her brother and I went to a playdate in the morning while daddy slept and re-cooperated from a double night shift at work. In the evening, we took a trip to an ice cream shop! Because who doesn't love ice cream and playdates on their birthday!!! I had a few times throughout the day when I thought back to her birth. I just grabbed her tight and told her how beautiful she has become at the young age of two. I love her smile, her laugh, her hugs and yes, even her whines sometimes. I love when I pick her up from nursery or arrive at home from a meeting. She just gets this look of desperation with a sense of WHY DID YOU EVER LEAVE ME WITH THESE DESPICABLE PEOPLE YOU HORRIBLE MOMMY WHOM I LOVE SO DEARLY! HUG ME! Okay, I know. She's two and we need to work on the separation anxiety, but I love that she loves me so deeply. And I love that at two years old, she's still breastfeeding.
My goal with our first born was six months. Then one year. He weaned and I pumped for the next year for him to make it to two years on breastmilk. Chickie-Pea is still going strong which, of course, is annoying at times! Let's face it, sometimes I feel like a giant gerbil-bottle. Like this morning when I had to lean over the carseat so she could nurse. But then I'm reminded how wonderful it is to still have that bond and know she's still getting awesome nutrition. So all in all, it was a pretty successful birthday/anniversary/Easter. I hit low spots, and high spots. And Chickie-Pea had a blast all weekend!
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AuthorWelcome to Momma Trauma's Blog! Thoughts, empowering posts and stories straight from Momma Trauma herself, Birth Trauma families & birth professionals. Archives
July 2015
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