The doctor came to see me after having given birth to tell me my pelvis was too small and any subsequent children we had would have to be through c-section only. Right then, I knew something wasn't right. After the births of our children, I wracked my mind trying to figure out what exactly went wrong. I was not as educated as I should have been when we gave birth to our first born. I had taken a very small, 2 hour childbirth class beforehand that was very medical-based and taught by nursing students who, frankly, were only trying to get a passing grade. I honestly thought that would be enough!
My water broke with our son right as we were going to bed (of course, right?). So we did the "normal" thing and packed up the bags and headed straight to the hospital at the request of the doctor. Well, my contractions were still only 10 minutes apart or so. Within a few hours, I was given pitocin in an IV to "speed things up a bit." I was the "typical" patient I can imagine. Stayed in bed laying down, fetal monitors, pitocin, more pitocin, iv pain medications, the whole nine yards. I wasn't aware of the risks/benefits of pitocin, they just came in and announced they were administering the drug. After hours of labor, the doctor came back in and said "When would you like your epidural?" I had already figured I would get one because that's how everyone gets through labor, right? But I hadn't told him that yet. So I was a little put off by the assumption. But we told him I wanted it N.O.W. Contractions were about 3 minutes apart by that point. It took the anesthesiologist two more hours to get to my room. He had to take a pitstop in the hallway though with my mother in law who gave him an earful for taking so darn long! So he finally arrives. I'm on the verge of transitioning at this point with pitocin and no pain meds because mine had run out. The doctor had also put a "concoction" of anxiety meds in my iv that I didn't even know about until months later! So I thought my body was going to split into two now. I couldn't sit still with the pain. The anesthesiologist asks: "Would you still like an epidural?" If looks could kill! I said "Are you kidding me?" Thinking, okay, this guy wants to shove a needle in my spine when I CAN'T SIT STILL??? No way. I'm going to have to deal rather than become disabled because I can't stay still. (That might have been a bit strong, but definitely what I was thinking. I was mad!) So he asks a few more times, I couldn't hold a conversation (as happens in transition) and he finally left when my husband told him I didn't want the drug. Our son arrived very shortly after (so the epidural wouldn't have made a difference anyways) with shoulder dystocia, which is a fancy term for "stuck" at the shoulders. My baby got stuck and couldn't come out. Which freaked me out and the doctors went straight to the important work of "unsticking" my child, by apparently breaking his collarbone to remove him instead of flipping me over to all fours which has a very, very good record of "unsticking" children from the birth canal. He came out and they whisked him away to get checked. He had a broken collarbone. I was totally crushed. I had broken my baby. If you've read about the birth of our second child, you know I cope with sadness with humor. So, the going joke was that I broke my baby. The doctor came to see me after having given birth to tell me my pelvis was too small and any subsequent children we had would have to be through c-section only. Right then, I knew something wasn't right. I'm not a small woman. Not huge, but not a skinny minney. I have birthing hips! (After researching in great lengths, I have discovered "small pelvises" are a myth for most, if not close to all, women.) So I started doing some research. I couldn't believe the information I found (and of course wished I knew before childbirth). I was so mad at myself because I discovered our son's dystocia was likely medically induced and could have been prevented with a natural labor process (this was later verified by the doctor during the birth of our daughter). Medically induced. Which meant that I had say over my son having a dystocia and broken bone. I did that to him. Oh I was so mad with myself. And sad. I really had broken my son. I had some serious Baby Blues, possibly even depression over this. In my healing over all that, I became just as mad with the medical staff. I felt like they should have told me the risks of pitocin and everything else that went on. I felt like they failed my son & I because they did not give me all the information I needed. Then again, I didn't ask! I didn't know I had to. And I was REALLY mad about his broken collarbone. That could have been avoided by switching positions during labor. Moving into the all fours position rotates the pelvis (usually) just enough to dislodge the baby enough to come out. Did you know doctors are now trained on breaking bones to get babies out instead of being trained on those extra maneuvers to help us do things naturally? Not to mention the extra drugs and laboring on my back didn't help. Medically induced. I guess I write all that now to say: A. Be your own advocate! Always ask! B. Don't feel bad for questioning yourself afterwards, it happens. It's a part of healing. I *still* ask myself questions and try to figure things out. C. We need to accept the part we played in our births. We need to "own" our decisions. Was coercion used in the birth of our son? Absolutely. Could I have made better decisions for he & I? Yes. It's hard to accept our bad decisions. But, it's a necessary part of healing. I do feel my doctors were in the wrong for the coercion and random bone breaking that was totally unnecessary. But I could have said no to the pitocin ans which started it all. Thoughts? Comments? Questions? Feel free to comment below, on our Facebook, Twitter or e-mail confidential responses!
5 Comments
2/28/2013 11:18:28 pm
That sounds like a very traumatic experience, sorry. :( I'm glad you're sharing your story, because not enough women research before labor, and I think it's important to (as you've pointed out!). The nurses at the hospital were surprised over my breathing techniques. They said most women that come through tense up during contractions and hold their breath. THAT surprised me! I thought everyone would research and learn things like breathing techniques. Seems kind of like Labor 101.
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2/28/2013 11:20:45 pm
"Did you know doctors are now trained on breaking bones to get babies out instead of being trained on those extra maneuvers to help us do things naturally?"
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Ros
5/25/2014 06:40:12 pm
As part of your research have you come across other birth stories where babies have ended up with brain damage or worse. I went through similar with my daughter who is thankfully doing fine after a very scary start. Her broken collar bone was the least of our concerns and I'm very glad that my doctors didn't hesitate to do this at the cost of her brain.
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