I feel like a better question here is not "Why don't others understand?" But instead: "Why do they feel the need to immediately dismiss our stories or make excuses as to what it happened?" But that's quite long for a title. So why do we have such troubles getting our points across? There's certainly a negative stigma attached to "Birth Trauma" or "Birth Rape." The terms are harsh and we get criticisms from all ends, I've heard it from everyone I've spoken to whether it's regarding my own story or that of someone else. So often we hear the opposing side tell us the two terms are used for women who's birth didn't go their way and now they're upset about it all after the fact. Well you're darn straight we're upset! Let me give you some examples to help you understand: Did you ever go on a first date and the guy (or gal!) wanted to have sex that night, or even just wanted to kiss you and you didn't want it? Did that same person keep trying to make advances to get you to do what they wanted? It was time to go at that point, wasn't it? Those of us who have experienced birth trauma first hand can assure you that it generally is just as it sounds: Disgusting, shameful, confusing, bullying, intimidating, along with a myriad of other descriptive factors. When a medical professional has your legs in stirrups, it's rather hard to just get away as so many have told me I should have done if I didn't like what was happening to me. Well, let me tell you friends, it's not that easy when you're pushing out a baby!
So why can't others wrap their minds around the mere plausibility of the situation? (In no particular researched order, just the order I've encountered the most myself and from others) 1. Relationship status: There is a very distinct relationship between doctor/midwife & patient. They ARE the medical professionals in the thick of things, so naturally, folks think their word is golden. Doctors know a whole heck of a lot. More often than not, it's the lack of information given to us by our doctor that is a major problem. Like the "concoctions" with pitocin or unnamed pain meds, or when a doctor comes in and says "So when would you like your epidural?" instead of asking you if you'd like one and telling you about BOTH the pros AND cons before making YOUR decision. Did you know doctors are exempt in many state laws regarding assault and rape? Have you checked your local laws lately? Here in Delaware, that standard is true. 2. You went looking for treatment, what's the big deal? The big deal is that sometimes it's totally against our wishes, consent or we just plain don't need it, not to mention the lack of respect sometimes found in today's birthing rooms. Many naturally-minded parents want to birth in a hospital to merely have the support of medical professionals should something go wrong. We don't need a managed birth of any kind, we just need to know doctors are right there by our bedside if we truly need them. Most people we talk to believe that we are basically asking for whatever "treatment" we receive since we went looking for that kind of help. On the same token, a lot of medical professionals sadly believe that because they're the doctor/midwife, they should be able to do anything they deem medically necessary or procedural for the situation at hand, regardless of whether or not momma agrees. Which brings up another can of worms: 3. That's just how things are done: This really is another can of worms that I *need* to get off my chest. I'll blog about it later. But in short (super short), many folks believe what we go through in a common hospital birth is necessary or "That's just how things are done," so get over it. They HAD to do that because it's procedure. Or even, how do you know the baby would have been okay if the doctor didn't do (insert random medical intervention here). Let's be honest: Natural, and yes, even unassisted births are often uneventful (as uneventful as labor can be!) and don't require medical interventions. That's a scary thought to some, and understandably so in today's medically-minded society. But really, we don't *need* to lay down the entire labor. Fetal monitors? Nope, they don't need to be on the whole time either. BUT, that's just how things are done. When will we get to a point when we don't have to worry about these things? Should everyone try birthing at home and only go to the hospitals in a true emergency? How do we fix this mess in which we continually find ourselves? How is all this "okay?"
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AuthorWelcome to Momma Trauma's Blog! Thoughts, empowering posts and stories straight from Momma Trauma herself, Birth Trauma families & birth professionals. Archives
July 2015
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